It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Why bother with any other forum?
Forum rules
We once roamed the vast forums of Corona Coming Attractions. Some of us had been around from The Before Times, in the Days of Excelsior, while others of us had only recently begun our trek. When our home became filled with much evil, including the villainous Cannot-Post-in-This-Browser and the dreaded Cannot-Log-In, we flounced away most huffily to this new home away from home. We follow the flag of Jubboiter and talk about movies, life, the universe, and everything, often in a most vulgar fashion. All are welcome here, so long as they do not take offense to our particular idiom.
User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » April 15th, 2016, 12:49 pm

I am pro spanking. Is that wrong?

User avatar
Mal Shot First
Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
Posts: 2573
Joined: January 10th, 2014, 5:05 pm

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Mal Shot First » April 15th, 2016, 1:30 pm

You mean you're a pro-spanker?

User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » April 15th, 2016, 1:36 pm

Got it down to under a minute!

User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » April 15th, 2016, 1:42 pm

Jubboiter is autistic. She has almost no concept of risk aversion, and she's doesn't understand cause and effect the way most kids her age do. She may never understand, and we may never know whether or not she understands. She would have to be beaten daily and severely for it to begin to have an effect on her decision making processes, and the manner of the beating would have to be near identical every time for her to begin to connect the dots. In effect, she would have to be systematically and perpetually tortured.

If I ever catch anyone spanking her, I will be very upset. I may even spank the spanker. I may even break both my hands doing it.

Right or wrong, spanking has lasting and damaging psychological and physical effects, and countless bits of scientifically arrived-at data show that it's either less effective than other parenting techniques or that it's only approximately as effective as other techniques. I understand why people feel they need to do it, but the ones who do it tend to have had it done to them. It's a thing that's passed down, like a family religion.

Most of those who pass it down do so because they know no other way. They make the "I turned out OK, so it must work" assumption. That's anecdotal evidence. Tons of kids who are spanked don't turn out OK, and tons of kids who aren't spanked don't turn out OK. Tons of kids who are spanked turn out OK, and Tons of kids who aren't spanked turn out OK.

Discipline's still incredibly important. It's unhealthy to let your child do whatever he wants to do or get whatever he wants. It sets up unreal expectations. That's its own kind of negligence and abuse.

Then again, I was spanked an average of three times a week. Often until welts formed. Sometimes until I bled. I turned out OK, so it must work.

User avatar
Mal Shot First
Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
Posts: 2573
Joined: January 10th, 2014, 5:05 pm

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Mal Shot First » April 15th, 2016, 1:53 pm

Goiter was even spanked by a truck one time when he was 7.

Fucking Alabama, man.

User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » April 15th, 2016, 1:57 pm

The truck was a German truck in Germany, but it was full of the Alabama spirit. I complemented this with some Alabama blood in its grill.

User avatar
Mal Shot First
Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
Posts: 2573
Joined: January 10th, 2014, 5:05 pm

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Mal Shot First » April 15th, 2016, 2:06 pm

Mal Shot First wrote:Fucking Germany MAN.
Fix'd.

User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » April 15th, 2016, 2:10 pm

Mal Shot First wrote:Fucking German VAN.
Now more Fix'd than before!

User avatar
Jubbers
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 704
Joined: November 19th, 2012, 5:54 pm

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Jubbers » April 15th, 2016, 2:21 pm

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote: She would have to be beaten daily and severely...
She also has a messed-up sense of pain perception, so if one was looking to actually physically hurt her to deter behavior, spanking probably wouldn't be very effective.

User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » April 15th, 2016, 2:51 pm

So even though she is still only tiny she operates on a different level to us mere mortals and is impervious to pain. She's right on track for world domination. It's all part of her plan.

User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » April 18th, 2016, 8:43 pm

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:This is the cousin whose father is a celebrity chef and who has a three-year-old who weighs over sixty pounds.
The cousin's husband is in the hospital. His wrist is broken, he has three cracked ribs, and he has a punctured lung. Why? He was bucked off a horse. Once again, I find myself interested in something related to my pretty uninteresting cousin.

The husband must have been bucked pretty high. The horse must have also been bucking pretty hard, considering how big the guy is. He's my exact height and weight--according to my cousin, anyway. He's 6'3" and weighs 275 pounds. (I learned this the other day when she shared a chat exchange with Facebook. Some guy had been flirting with her via SMS, and she threatened to sic her husband on him. She then gave the flirter the husband's measurements.)

Aside from the similar proportions, the husband doesn't really look like me. I did, however, discover that a former Wash.U. colleague married and had a kid with a guy who could easily pass for my brother. The resemblance is pretty striking. He even has my brow ridge and dresses like I do. His beard is going grey in the same spots, to boot. When Jubbers saw him, she said this: "Wow. He looks a lot like you. You could play brothers in a movie, and people would think you were actual brothers." I didn't mention that I thought the guy resembled me. I just happened to have the image open when Jubbers walked by and looked at the screen.

User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » April 19th, 2016, 7:32 am

6'3" and 275 pounds?

She's married to a small, European style chiller cabinet and icebox combination?

User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » April 19th, 2016, 8:27 am

She's married to a U.S. Southern male of fairly typical proportions.

User avatar
Jubbers
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 704
Joined: November 19th, 2012, 5:54 pm

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Jubbers » April 19th, 2016, 10:38 am

I'm not married to the very model of a fridge made by the General.... Electric.

User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » April 19th, 2016, 11:45 am

:)

User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » April 19th, 2016, 12:37 pm

She's not the married model of a modern major a-ppli-ance.

User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » April 19th, 2016, 12:49 pm

ENOUGH!

User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » April 19th, 2016, 12:49 pm

;)

User avatar
Mal Shot First
Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
Posts: 2573
Joined: January 10th, 2014, 5:05 pm

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Mal Shot First » April 19th, 2016, 4:42 pm

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:I did, however, discover that a former Wash.U. colleague married and had a kid with a guy who could easily pass for my brother. The resemblance is pretty striking. He even has my brow ridge and dresses like I do. His beard is going grey in the same spots, to boot. When Jubbers saw him, she said this: "Wow. He looks a lot like you. You could play brothers in a movie, and people would think you were actual brothers." I didn't mention that I thought the guy resembled me. I just happened to have the image open when Jubbers walked by and looked at the screen.
[/quote]
Man, I totally thought the same thing when I saw a picture of him, but I forgot to tell you about it.

User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 24th, 2016, 8:27 am


User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » August 26th, 2016, 9:19 pm


User avatar
Space Tycoon
ü83r l33t - 1338 Posts
ü83r l33t - 1338 Posts
Posts: 2274
Joined: January 13th, 2014, 12:16 am
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Soviet Canuckistan

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Space Tycoon » August 30th, 2016, 8:38 pm


User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » September 10th, 2016, 4:09 am


User avatar
The Swollen Goiter of God
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
Posts: 8723
Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
Location: St. Louis

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » September 10th, 2016, 10:11 am

Hot.

User avatar
Dalty
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
Posts: 9549
Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am

Re: It's Not Alabama This Time, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » September 10th, 2016, 10:50 am

I have finally found a pair of cheap, trashy lesbians that are completely incapable of turning me on. Well played God, well played.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Dalty and 1 guest