The Pro Wrestling Thread

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Adam54
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The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 13th, 2014, 7:19 am

Since the topic comes up sporadically in the most random of places, I figured it might not be a bad idea (or at very least, it's the polite thing to do) to consolidate it all in one clearly labelled thread so that people like Dalty and the other women with no interest in the subject can just stay away without accidentally being subjected to it.

I suspect this'll largely wind up being me talking to myself, but that's a typical day anyway so it works.

Anyway, yesterday was "Black Thursday" in the WWE as 11 people got fired, presumably because of the beating the stock has taken lately. A couple were surprises, but the majority made me go "He was still employed? Huh." Two members of the Three Man Band were let go, which were most surprising as they were on a sort of mini push lately.

Also, Brodus Clay got let go. He's arguably the closest thing to a Goiter twin the sports entertainment world has ever seen. He's now off to Japan, apparently to fight for the rights of dolphins. Good for him. http://www.wrestlezone.com/news/483485- ... in-hunters

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 13th, 2014, 7:59 am

Ted DiBiase is the closest thing to a Goiter twin the sports entertainment world has ever seen. Well, that's what I feel like on days when I feel handsome and refined. On days when I feel less handsome and refined, Earthquake seems like a better candidate.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 13th, 2014, 8:11 am

Ted DiBiase now or Ted DiBiase in his prime?

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 13th, 2014, 9:43 am

I only know him in his prime. Is he still around? I know he has a son wrestling. His son is 6'3" and 225 pounds. Those are more like my stats when I'm in *my* prime. I haven't been anywhere near that prime since 2004, but maybe I can get back there some day.

I can't.

But maybe I can.

But I can't.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 13th, 2014, 10:05 am

The son is virtually out of the business at this point, actually, only working the occasional independent show. He was pretty talented, but apparently wanted to spend more time with his family.

Here's Dad DiBiase in his prime. Coincidentally, this is the exact suit I imagine Dalty wears most of the time.

Image

And here he is now (2010):

Image

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 13th, 2014, 10:06 am

Oh, and I forgot to respond to your question. Ted Sr. still pops up sporadically, usually when they're doing some sort of "Old School" themed show or a special edition like the 2000th episode of Raw.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 13th, 2014, 1:13 pm

Dalty could never wear that suit. He'd pack on the pounds.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Djack Zteelecock » June 13th, 2014, 2:08 pm

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:Dalty could never wear that suit. He'd pack on the pounds.
I imagine Thursty sitting at his computer, desperately trying to come up with puns, and then settling on ^that^.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 13th, 2014, 2:40 pm

I wish. While I have certainly dug long and hard for some pretty terrible posts in the past, that one popped out pretty fast.

Somehow, there's more dignity in digging long and hard for a bad post than there is in producing one willy-nilly.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Mal Shot First » June 13th, 2014, 2:44 pm

Dignity. Always, dignity.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 13th, 2014, 3:01 pm

This was instilled in me by Mom and Dad from the very beginning. They sent me to the finest schools.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 13th, 2014, 10:59 pm

"The finest schools in Alabama" is the very definition of damning with faint praise, no?

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 13th, 2014, 11:05 pm

I was quoting Singin' in the Rain. My parents didn't send me to shit. By the time I was one, they weren't even married anymore.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Dalty » June 14th, 2014, 8:00 am

Adam54 wrote:...... like Dalty and the other women with no interest in the subject can just stay away without accidentally being subjected to it....
Yes, that's the reason I don't like wrasslin', because I tried it once and bruised my vagina.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 16th, 2014, 8:32 am

Vaginas can bruise?

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 16th, 2014, 8:54 am

Ask yourself what vaginas are made of, Adam, and then ask yourself what all can bruise on a human.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 16th, 2014, 8:59 am

Skin. They're made of skin.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Right. I'm with you now. Carry on.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Dalty » June 16th, 2014, 1:09 pm

No, please don't. I fear if I am subjected to any more tales of derring-do by a spandex clad waste of humanity I may never be the same.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Dalty » June 16th, 2014, 1:11 pm

Of course, it's all an act - this acting so antsy about wrasslin' , because my Wrestler name would be "The Cunt".

Surprisingly difficult to sell PPV events in the Bible Belt.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 16th, 2014, 1:16 pm

Bananarama's Bouncy Bits wrote:No, please don't. I fear if I am subjected to any more tales of derring-do by a spandex clad waste of humanity I may never be the same.
This is why I made a separate thread, you Moldovian Popsicle!

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Dalty » June 16th, 2014, 1:17 pm

We were talking about my Popsicle in the thread about Reg's psychic knee.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 16th, 2014, 1:20 pm

Bananarama's Bouncy Bits wrote:Of course, it's all an act - this acting so antsy about wrasslin' , because my Wrestler name would be "The Cunt".

Surprisingly difficult to sell PPV events in the Bible Belt.
Damn it, The Cunt. This Sunday at Flouncemania II in Mobile, Alabama, I'm gonna pound you so hard!!!

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » June 16th, 2014, 1:21 pm

Bananarama's Bouncy Bits wrote:We were talking about my Popsicle in the thread about Reg's psychic knee.

I missed this thread. Who is Reg and how does he have a psychic knee?

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Dalty » June 16th, 2014, 1:23 pm

I am genuinely a little disgusted right now.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » June 16th, 2014, 1:55 pm

We should talk about how utterly stupid some of professional wrestling's catchphrases are.

I'll start with the Rock's "It doesn't matter!"

This is a catchphrase? I mean, I guess I see some of the charm in the catchphrase concerned with what he was cooking and whether or not you could smell it.

It's just that "It doesn't matter" is such a commonplace thing to say. Sure, I guess he inflected it in his own special way, but c'mon. And I guess it's kinda cute in a YTMND Interruption Fad sort of way, but it's still just a guy saying "It doesn't matter!"

I remember someone asking me a question during the height of the phrase's popularity and then interrupting my answer with "It doesn't matter!" Someone else then high-fived him, and yet another person said something like "Booooom! He got you good, Goiter!"

Really? Because he fucking responded with "It doesn't matter?" Of course, then I had to have it explained to me that this was the Rock's catchphrase, since I didn't already know. Then I was mocked for not knowing that it was his catchphrase. Then I was mocked for not watching wrestling.

Mind you, this wasn't when I was a kid. The catchphrase caught on in 2000 or so. I was in my early twenties. The people making fun of me were in their early twenties.

The catchphrase was popular enough to be turned into a pretty shitty Wyclef Jean song. What the hell, wrestling fans?

The commonplaceness of the line reminds me of this one time a guy tried something else on me that totally flew over my head. I can't remember what it was I did to provoke this response from him, but I did something, and when I did, he squinted his eyes, gritted his teeth, pointed his index finger at me, and then sort of shook his arm. He then looked at me expectantly.

"What's that supposed to be?" I asked. "Don't you know the Evil Monkey from Family Guy?" he asked. In this case, I was actually familiar with the thing he was referencing, but how the fuck am I supposed to be expected to connect this pretty unremarkable action he's doing to Family Guy? You point your finger at me, and I'm supposed to go "Ah! Family Guy! Very clever!"? And then I'm expected to find it funny for some reason?

Fuckin' people, man.

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