The Pro Wrestling Thread

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The Swollen Goiter of God
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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » March 18th, 2017, 9:17 am

Adam54 wrote:
March 18th, 2017, 8:44 am
I met Bray Wyatt yesterday. Quite possibly the coolest dude on the planet and I want to be his best friend.
He's an articulate man from the South, he has a beard, and he's pretty much exactly my size. It's like you're friends with him already!

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Mal Shot First » March 18th, 2017, 9:51 am

Adam54 wrote:
March 18th, 2017, 8:44 am
I met Bray Wyatt yesterday. Quite possibly the coolest dude on the planet and I want to be his best friend.
Did he bray at you?

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » March 18th, 2017, 3:14 pm

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:
March 18th, 2017, 9:17 am
Adam54 wrote:
March 18th, 2017, 8:44 am
I met Bray Wyatt yesterday. Quite possibly the coolest dude on the planet and I want to be his best friend.
He's an articulate man from the South, he has a beard, and he's pretty much exactly my size. It's like you're friends with him already!
Ask me how many puns he made when we spoke.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » March 18th, 2017, 3:41 pm

I bet there were a few. It's likely you just didn't catch 'em, though, since they were delivered orally. Textual Goits and Oral Goits are two different beasts.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Master Skywalker » March 21st, 2017, 9:47 am

Adam54 wrote:
March 18th, 2017, 8:44 am
I met Bray Wyatt yesterday. Quite possibly the coolest dude on the planet and I want to be his best friend.
Damn! That's awesome! Where'd you meet him and what did you say?
On December 15, 2017, the Greatest Saga Ever continues!
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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » March 21st, 2017, 2:46 pm

He met him in the bathroom, and he said, "Before you speak, you should know that I'm unhinged and that if I hear you utter even the tiniest of puns, I will utterly come apart at the seams. So don't speak, and let me remember you this way. Oh, and just to allay any fears, I'm not wearing any concealed weapon of any kind about my person, so you don't have to worry about humoring my request out of fear. No. You'd only be humoring me out of respect. Again, no concealed weapons. Do you understand? If you do, just, like, continue not saying anything. Good. My god, you respect me! You really respect me! I shall remember this day forever and ever! You've... you've shown me the light, Bray Wyatt. No! NO! It's not what you think! I was speaking in earnest, and not making some kind of reference to your lantern. No, no. I realize that such a reference wouldn't have been a pun and that I am still clean of mind and of spirit. OK. Good. Good chat. I'm going to back out of your stall ever so slowly, but I'm not going to try to shoot or threaten you with the pistol that I'm not concealing. Thank you. Thank you ever so much. Thank you for your stony, respectful, light-showing silence."

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Master Skywalker » March 23rd, 2017, 8:51 am

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:
March 21st, 2017, 2:46 pm
He met him in the bathroom, and he said, "Before you speak, you should know that I'm unhinged and that if I hear you utter even the tiniest of puns, I will utterly come apart at the seams. So don't speak, and let me remember you this way. Oh, and just to allay any fears, I'm not wearing any concealed weapon of any kind about my person, so you don't have to worry about humoring my request out of fear. No. You'd only be humoring me out of respect. Again, no concealed weapons. Do you understand? If you do, just, like, continue not saying anything. Good. My god, you respect me! You really respect me! I shall remember this day forever and ever! You've... you've shown me the light, Bray Wyatt. No! NO! It's not what you think! I was speaking in earnest, and not making some kind of reference to your lantern. No, no. I realize that such a reference wouldn't have been a pun and that I am still clean of mind and of spirit. OK. Good. Good chat. I'm going to back out of your stall ever so slowly, but I'm not going to try to shoot or threaten you with the pistol that I'm not concealing. Thank you. Thank you ever so much. Thank you for your stony, respectful, light-showing silence."
Where's my damn Orson Welles applauding gif? :D
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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » March 23rd, 2017, 3:36 pm

It's at home... washin' its tights!

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Dalty » March 23rd, 2017, 4:45 pm

Why not washing his home whilst wearing tights?

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » March 23rd, 2017, 6:09 pm

Well, that's just silly.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Adam54 » March 24th, 2017, 7:21 am

Master Skywalker wrote:
March 21st, 2017, 9:47 am
Adam54 wrote:
March 18th, 2017, 8:44 am
I met Bray Wyatt yesterday. Quite possibly the coolest dude on the planet and I want to be his best friend.
Damn! That's awesome! Where'd you meet him and what did you say?
He was at the Minneapolis Car Show, weirdly enough and it went exactly as Goiter said.

Except that it actually went more like this, I walked up when he was commenting to some staff member about how fast the line was moving.

Adam: "No complaints out of me!"
Bray: "Right, man? How you doin'?"
Adam: "Doing good! Great to meet you, big fan!"
Bray: "Thanks brother, appreciate that. Great to meet you as well."

*pause for photo op. Dude's got a helluva firm handshake*

Adam: "Thanks for doing what you do, man." *touches THE REAL WWE CHAMPIONSHIP BELT that was sitting on the table* "Really happy to see you finally get this."
Bray: "Oh you and me both brother." *belly laugh* "Have a good rest of your night."

He then finished off the line, left for a while, and came back and wandered around the floor of the stadium with the rest of us just looking at cars.

Random Lady: *stunned* "Well are you just walking around down here like a real person?!"
Bray: *stunned she'd ask such a strange question* "Well I just really like cars!"

He posed for photos with anybody who asked, shook hands, talked to anybody who approached him and I could hear him laughing any where on the show floor. Great, great guy.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Dalty » March 24th, 2017, 6:47 pm

Was there any kayfebe?

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Mal Shot First » March 25th, 2017, 6:36 am

Is kayfebe a feeble attempt at kayfabe?

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » May 17th, 2017, 9:07 pm



"Get ready to Dwayne the swamp!" is a good line.

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Re: The Pro Wrestling Thread

Post by Dalty » May 18th, 2017, 12:24 pm

I'd vote for him. Also, US Politics is such a comedy circus he would probably win.

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