Dalty (and Adam's) Dating Adventures

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

You're better off. Marriage is a nightmare, and kids only make it scarier.

[Mal Shot First]

I think I might be ready to announce my retirement from dating. I used to be more of an optimist, but between the HIMYM finale and the recently ex-girlfriend, I think I might just call it a day.

I'll get myself a good hunting dog. Go live off the land in the mountains somewhere. Live every Alabamans dream. Sure as fuck beats dating again.

There's always Tinder. No dating required.

[Space Tycoon]

I'm an OkCupid Man, myself.

[Space Tycoon]

Not that it has ever worked.

[neglet]

I think I might be ready to announce my retirement from dating. I used to be more of an optimist, but between the HIMYM finale and the recently ex-girlfriend, I think I might just call it a day.

I'll get myself a good hunting dog. Go live off the land in the mountains somewhere. Live every Alabamans dream. Sure as fuck beats dating again.

Do that. If your life was a rom-com, that's exactly when The One will show up.

Not that I believe in such claptrap as The One. It's more like "Babe": that'll do.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Believing in The One, for me, means believing myself special enough to warrant some sort of cosmic complement. I'm not that special. I'm just a bag of meat and shit. I jerk off twice a day, and I like to write about magic horses and celebrities dying. It seems a real waste for the cosmos to reward that.

[Adam54]

I'm an OkCupid Man, myself.

I can guarantee I'll never be back in that vast wasteland. No disrespect, just been there done that, had absolutely no luck.

[Adam54]

I think I might be ready to announce my retirement from dating. I used to be more of an optimist, but between the HIMYM finale and the recently ex-girlfriend, I think I might just call it a day.

I'll get myself a good hunting dog. Go live off the land in the mountains somewhere. Live every Alabamans dream. Sure as fuck beats dating again.

Do that. If your life was a rom-com, that's exactly when The One will show up.

Not that I believe in such claptrap as The One. It's more like "Babe": that'll do.

I'm banking on this, to be totally honest. All of it.

[Adam54]

Believing in The One, for me, means believing myself special enough to warrant some sort of cosmic complement. I'm not that special. I'm just a bag of meat and shit. I jerk off twice a day, and I like to write about magic horses and celebrities dying. It seems a real waste for the cosmos to reward that.

That Jubbers is one lucky gal.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Have you considered a course of graduate study in the literary arts? Tons of chicks. Lower percentage of straight guy competition than you'll find in most other social circles. Higher level of education than in most other social circles, too. Most of them will be on your side of the political spectrum. They'll also mostly be bug-shit nuts, but you're used to that. I don't think you're ready to deal with normal. You should just take bug-shit nuts and run with it.

What's that? Naw, man. Why would I generalize or exaggerate?

[Dalty]

I never recovered from the disappointment of discovering that "GSOH" does not stand for "Great Set Of Hooters".

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I'm surprised you didn't think it stood for "Girls Should Only Housekeep."

[Dalty]

How dare you! I am clearly a modern man (use of the word 'Hooters' excluded) !!

[Space Tycoon]

Me and my big mouth torpedoed what could have been a very promising relationship off of OkCupid, before it even started.

Dumb, duh-duh-duh dumb!!

[Dalty]

Nah - fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!

[Space Tycoon]

It's more complicated than that. I talked my way out of a good, sure thing...

[Dalty]

Ah, you told her about all of us??

[Space Tycoon]

I think it traumatized her.

[Dalty]

Understandable. We are an acquired taste.

[Space Tycoon]

I wanted to acquire her taste....

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

[Dalty]

I was eating lunch.

[Mal Shot First]

I don't mind finishing your sloppy seconds.

[Dalty]

I was eating dinner.

[Space Tycoon]

You make it sound like I said something nasty.