I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

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We once roamed the vast forums of Corona Coming Attractions. Some of us had been around from The Before Times, in the Days of Excelsior, while others of us had only recently begun our trek. When our home became filled with much evil, including the villainous Cannot-Post-in-This-Browser and the dreaded Cannot-Log-In, we flounced away most huffily to this new home away from home. We follow the flag of Jubboiter and talk about movies, life, the universe, and everything, often in a most vulgar fashion. All are welcome here, so long as they do not take offense to our particular idiom.
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omicron
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by omicron » January 19th, 2017, 7:09 pm

Congrats!

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Space Tycoon » January 20th, 2017, 12:42 pm

Dalty wrote:8hrs later and fear is setting in!
That's probably not as bad as the fear that sets in when you begin to wonder if you've missed out by not having kids...

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » January 20th, 2017, 3:02 pm

No mate - there was a point at 3am today, after 48hrs without a solid lump of quality sleep, holding him and walking him so mummy could get some sleep, that I would have given everything to just go back to the way things were. It passed pretty quickly, but just for a moment it was there!

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Space Tycoon » January 20th, 2017, 6:34 pm

When I wake up around 3 am these days, I reflect on a life of middle-aged singlehood and wish for something different.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » January 20th, 2017, 6:48 pm

Find somebody nice to wake up next to, not something that wakes you up screaming! ;)

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by neglet » January 21st, 2017, 9:37 pm

Dalty wrote:8hrs later and fear is setting in! Are they really going to trust ME with another life? How does it work? Is there an instruction manual? Did all that really come from one small baby?
Welcome to parenthood! Congrats and enjoy!

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » January 22nd, 2017, 4:12 pm

I am loving it, except the nightimes. Day time, he's good as gold! Feed, burp, change, sleep, repeat. Goes down for a nap for two hours at a time with no probs at all and is really easy going. Night time though......OMG!! Once 11pm comes then every 30 mins he is crying, nothing seems to work to make him go for a nap. He quietness down for maybe 15 mins, then just as I close my eyes he's off again!

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » January 22nd, 2017, 5:26 pm

Dalty wrote:I am loving it, except the nightimes. Day time, he's good as gold! Feed, burp, change, sleep, repeat. Goes down for a nap for two hours at a time with no probs at all and is really easy going. Night time though......OMG!! Once 11pm comes then every 30 mins he is crying, nothing seems to work to make him go for a nap. He quietness down for maybe 15 mins, then just as I close my eyes he's off again!
Welcome to parenthood! Congrats and enjoy!

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Mal Shot First » January 30th, 2017, 7:12 pm

Congrats, Dalty! How's Chet Dimpleton Jr. III doing? Just as importantly, did you get any time off work to enjoy the first days of fatherhood?

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » January 31st, 2017, 6:11 am

Ched Chip Chet Hank Jr. III is doing fine. Growing, feeding. Still a little bastard at night though. Last night when I had him from 11am to 3:30am while mum was sleeping I told him "I used to turn left on an airplane, and now you've ruined it!" - in my defence I was very sleep deprived.

Two weeks paternity leave so back to work on Monday.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » February 2nd, 2017, 5:19 pm

Why am I tip-toeing around the baby monitor? He's upstairs in the nursery, I am downstairs! Why am I still acting like he can hear me? #babybrain

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » March 7th, 2017, 2:03 pm

Just watched "In The Night Garden".

Fuck my life.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Mal Shot First » October 7th, 2017, 2:19 pm

I'm kind of sad that I'll never be as awesome as the father who built this couple's costume for his baby:

Image

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » October 7th, 2017, 6:45 pm

Seconds later, the family dog ran up to the kid, giving the father a chance to utter the famous quote.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » November 5th, 2017, 5:44 am

First words now, after 9 months. And trying to walk.

His propensity to try and crawl towards danger is worrying.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » November 5th, 2017, 8:01 am

Are you going to take the bilingual approach?

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » November 5th, 2017, 11:23 am

Yeah, so according to experts his vocabulary will probably stall a bit soon as his brain wrestles with two languages.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » November 5th, 2017, 12:32 pm

That's the way of things. It'll be a useful thing in the long run, though.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » November 6th, 2017, 3:08 am

Apparently if you can speak two, then picking up a third and fourth is relatively simple compared to people wrestling with learning a single, other language.

It does mean his mother and him will be able to talk about me right in front of me!

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » November 6th, 2017, 8:16 am

Or... OR... you might consider learning a little more of your wife's language.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » November 7th, 2017, 5:44 am

I am learning slowly but Vietnamese is a bitch of a language. It's tonal and structured completely differently to English, also with different words for the same thing depending on who you are speaking to (almost social caste related).

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » November 7th, 2017, 7:21 am

On the other hand, you're living with a baby that is actively in the process of picking it up. (Yeah, I know. That's different, and babies' brains are different. In all honesty, I wish you luck. Learn what your rigid, adult mind will allow you to learn.)

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Dalty » November 7th, 2017, 9:17 am

My rigid adult brain has allowed me to learn God is great, guns are America, gays are bad and Mexicans are after my job.

It's still undecided on black folk.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by Mal Shot First » November 8th, 2017, 9:16 am

Dalty wrote:
November 7th, 2017, 9:17 am
It's still undecided on black folk.
Not that undecided.

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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » November 8th, 2017, 9:18 am

Dalty's rigid, adult brain is a St. Louis cop.

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