Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

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We once roamed the vast forums of Corona Coming Attractions. Some of us had been around from The Before Times, in the Days of Excelsior, while others of us had only recently begun our trek. When our home became filled with much evil, including the villainous Cannot-Post-in-This-Browser and the dreaded Cannot-Log-In, we flounced away most huffily to this new home away from home. We follow the flag of Jubboiter and talk about movies, life, the universe, and everything, often in a most vulgar fashion. All are welcome here, so long as they do not take offense to our particular idiom.
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The Swollen Goiter of God
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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » May 24th, 2016, 1:15 pm

Dalty wrote:"Sorry to hear about your baby. Hey, where's Lucky?"
He's been renamed Quasimodo:



The video doesn't mention that his penis is necrotic and that it will have to be amputated.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » May 24th, 2016, 2:13 pm

Quite clearly a werewolf puppy.

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omicron
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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by omicron » August 21st, 2016, 3:05 pm


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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Space Tycoon » August 21st, 2016, 3:43 pm

Well, he's just a very committed libertarian. Walk the walk!

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » August 21st, 2016, 8:46 pm

Here's a Facebook exchange I just encountered:

Fuсking Аlаbаmа Idiоt 1
Whаt dо уоu еаt аftеr аlmоst dуing....I саn't gеt еnоugh sаlt in mе

Fuсking Аlаbаmа Idiоt 2
Trу sеа sаlt, nоt tаblе sаlt...mоrе nutriеnts

Fuсking Аlаbаmа Idiоt 1
Thаt's whаt wе usе ✌

Fuсking Аlаbаmа Idiоt 3
Swееt Tеа! I knоw thеу sау уоu shоuld аvоid sugаr аftеr а virus but thаt is thе ОNLУ thing thаt will mаkе mе fееl mуsеlf. Еvеn аftеr I stаrtеd drinking оnlу wаtеr, I still hаvе tо hаvе swееt tеа аftеr а stоmасh virus.

Fuсking Аlаbаmа Idiоt 4
Gаtоrаdе is gооd fоr уоu

* * *

You may have already figured this out from the context, but Fucking Alabama Idiot 1 just got over being sick. This is what she means by "almost dying." She said it was "a virus," but "a virus" doesn't necessarily mean a virus for most Alabamians. It means simply that she was sick. She could have been sick for any number of reasons. For all I know, she made herself sick by eating too much salt.

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Mal Shot First
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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Mal Shot First » August 21st, 2016, 9:02 pm

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:Fuсking Аlаbаmа Idiоt 4
Gаtоrаdе is gооd fоr уоu

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » August 22nd, 2016, 8:13 am

In all fairness, Coke is kinda good for stomach bug nasties. After open water swims or the lake part of a triathlon a can of Coke was always recommended to kill any recently inbibed unpleasantness.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by omicron » August 25th, 2016, 6:50 pm

So glad I don't live or travel through Alabama
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/08/i-lost- ... 7131x84899

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » August 25th, 2016, 9:08 pm

These two things happened in my hometown today:

Crossville Daycare Owner Arrested after Drug Agents Find Meth inside Daycare

Child in Critical Condition after Dog Attack in Crossville

I guess today was a bad day to be a toddler in Crossville, Alabama.

This happened near Mobile earlier in the week:

Infant Survives Grisly Murder of Five in Alabama Home

Apparently, the murderer used an ax.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » August 26th, 2016, 9:27 am

What has your hometown got against kids?

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Mal Shot First » August 26th, 2016, 10:33 am

Meth and dogs, obviously.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Mal Shot First » August 26th, 2016, 10:34 am

That joke may work better in German.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » August 26th, 2016, 10:40 am

I was surprised to learn from Kracht's 1979 that crystal meth was a thing in Europe and Iran in the late seventies.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » August 26th, 2016, 10:43 am

It didn't really become a thing in Crossville, Alabama until the late nineties. It wasn't a thing I knew anything about until then.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » August 31st, 2016, 4:06 pm


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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » September 12th, 2016, 2:38 pm


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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Mal Shot First » September 13th, 2016, 5:17 am

I bet this was posted on Facebook by one of your Alabama acquaintances as a boast about Alabama schools.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » September 13th, 2016, 8:09 pm

I honestly can't remember, but it says something that I can't immediately laugh off your bet as a joke.

* * *

Pregnant Heroin Addict OrderedJailed until Baby's Birth, Police Say

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » September 14th, 2016, 3:52 pm

Poor little bastard.

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » September 15th, 2016, 4:43 pm


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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » September 16th, 2016, 5:51 am

Spreading the word of the Lord, was he?

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » September 16th, 2016, 5:14 pm


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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » October 28th, 2016, 2:41 pm


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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by Dalty » October 28th, 2016, 4:41 pm

Because the best way to influence the vote is not to vote?

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Re: Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Post by The Swollen Goiter of God » November 14th, 2016, 11:58 pm


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