Negs Answers Dumb Questions about Lady Stuff

[neglet]

Unless it's about big boobies. Cause frankly, I have a hard time imagining what's that's like, even when directly faced with cups the size of my head in a lingerie shop.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Jubbers is clearly asleep. If she weren't, she'd have posted her blue-footed booby shot by now.

[Dalty]

I saw blue footed boobies at Cabo San Lucas last year. The humpback whales were better!!

[Dalty]

OK - lady 'ish question for Negs.

As a recently heartbroken 38 year old man, when I re-enter the dating world, what is the lowest aged date threshold for a girl that I can date before it becomes creepy?

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I'd be more worried about a "Hey Nineteen" scenario than I would be about being creepy. For some reason, it's become semi-acceptable for a man to date a woman half his age. I taught some women in the 18-22 age range a little over a year ago. It occurred to me while teaching them that the generational gap that separates us is a lot bigger than I realized. I'm getting to the age where I could almost be a grown woman's father. I'm slow-going, I'm cranky, I detest the idea of going to a club, and I have arthritis. Spending the day with a sixteen-month-old wipes me out physically and mentally. I'd rather be with someone who's been beaten down by life. Just a little bit, at least.

Jubbers is only 4.75 years younger than I am, and there are already some pretty big differences between us. She has no appreciation for Saturday Supercade, Menudo, or She-Ra. How do I even talk to that? I, on the other hand, am too old for SpongeBob SquarePants ever to have been a "thing." I was a grown man the first time I saw an episode, and all I could think when I saw it was that it was pretty derivative and that The Ren & Stimpy Show was probably due some royalties. How does Jubbers even talk to that?

I realize I'm not neglet, and that not being neglet invalidates my opinion.

[Dalty]

Yeah, I still freak out if I meet a girl who wasn't born when Star Wars was released in theatres. Then it sinks in that this includes 35 year olds!!

My friends wife has never seen Ghostbusters or The Karate Kid (Macchio edition).

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Ghostbusters was released four days before Jubbers.

[Dalty]

Not possible!

Nobody of our generation was born after Ghostbusters. Fact. Go back and re-check your dates!

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It was released in December in Germany. I was in Germany during the time of its release. Jubbers was born in Germany, so she was technically born in a land that had yet to have Ghostbusters delivered unto it. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis. It helps keep our marriage together.

[Dalty]

You see. It's the law!

[Quasar]

I've heard enough. We'll start the divorce proceedings for Goits and Jubbers immediately. Jubboiter will be mailed to me.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

We can only afford to send her book rate.

[Dalty]

Jubboiter doesn't travel by mail. She waits, and the mail comes to her.

Not so epic, but she's only young!

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

[Mal Shot First]

I'm slow-going, I'm cranky, I detest the idea of going to a club, and I have arthritis.

Were you really all that different with regard to these characteristics back when I first met you? (You must have been 26 or 27 at the time.)

[Dalty]

Yeah, I was like that when I was 26 too. Except the clubby thing. Too many good chemicals.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Were you really all that different with regard to these characteristics back when I first met you? (You must have been 26 or 27 at the time.)

Not really. I've been remarkably consistent. I've been this way pretty much since I was an undergraduate.

Yeah, I was like that when I was 26 too. Except the clubby thing. Too many good chemicals.

You're British. Isn't there some kind of reverse Logan's Run thing going on where the state will murder you if you don't go clubbing at least once a month every year until your thirtieth birthday?

I think there's also some sort of thing that makes a yearly trip to Ibiza mandatory until you turn twenty-two, at which point you're supposed to swear it off and make fun of all the kids who still go there and don't know about X Island. (X island is, of course, clearly and demonstrably preferable. So's Y Island, if you can afford it. Let the kids have Ibiza, you're expected to say. Ibiza's for the young, stupid, and uncultured.)

[Dalty]

Ibiza still kinda rocks.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

The Brit is strong with this one.

[Mal Shot First]

Not really. I've been remarkably consistent. I've been this way pretty much since I was an undergraduate.

What I was getting at is that your feelings of a cultural gap between you and a 22-year-old may not be age-related, but rather a result of your overall personality and education (even as a 22-year-old, you were probably different from most other 22-year-old students). I'm not sure you would have felt differently about those young students had you been in your mid-twenties instead of being in your early to mid-thirties.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I realized what you were getting at. I just wanted to blame my age for the gulf, since blaming my general cantankerousness makes me have to come face-to-face with being a douche.

[Mal Shot First]

It doesn't make you a cantankerous douche - it just makes you the good old Swollen Goiter of God we all love!

[Dalty]

Ol' Beau Watkins doesn't even know how to spell cantankerous!

[neglet]

OK - lady 'ish question for Negs.

As a recently heartbroken 38 year old man, when I re-enter the dating world, what is the lowest aged date threshold for a girl that I can date before it becomes creepy?

Ahem. Age is just a number. (Except in the case of jailbait. Stay away from jailbait.) How old does she act? If she's 22 and she's mature and responsible and doesn't dress like a whore and doesn't think the new trilogy is better than the old trilogy, then go for it. If she's 29 and clinging desperately to her lost youth by dressing like a whore and getting drunk every night, then that would look pretty pathetic on you. Come to think of it, teenagers would probably look pathetic, too.

And why not ask how old is too old before it becomes creepy? Still, I like the confidence in the question.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

What you need, Dalty, is a Rule o' Thumb. Here it is:

If you find yourself asking yourself if it's creepy, it's probably creepy.