AICN Ridicule Page

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

SHIRLEY TEMPLE - the sweetest smile cinema has ever shared has left us in tears again

[Dalty]

"The reaper is hitting way too close to home....."

And yet that Ginger salad-dodging fuck just manages to keep escaping his clutches!

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

You'll be sad when he's gone.

[Dalty]

He is a rare contributor to the site now. Usually to verbally fap about something shit. Or to talk about the time he gave Cecille B DeMille the idea for The Ten Commandments over a taco after Robert Rodriguez introduced them.

[Dalty]

'I remember when Father Geek took me to the world premiere of The Roundhay Garden Scene and I knew, even then as a minus 97 year old, that I loved movies.'

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

This one's a knee-slapper:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/66670

I mean, just look at that title. It's another one of Harry's titular-person-shift specials. They're usually a good indication that hilarity's up ahead.

[Dalty]

That's a thing of beauty. And the talkback made me Google "Dutch Rudder" too!

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I did a rewrite of Harry's latest gibberish:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/66855

The rewrite can be seen in the comments.

[Dalty]

Nice. I find him unreadable these days,

[Mal Shot First]

It seems to me that he writes the way he would talk. It's still annoying as fuck, but I've read some of these things that are supposedly unreadable and it's not all that difficult to make sense of them. Harry just comes off as a swooning fanboy. If everyone is so tired of his crappy writing, why is there any activity on AICN at all? There are plenty of other websites offering movie news and previews, and they're probably less annoying.

[Dalty]

You can log in at AICN.

Thank you, I'm here all week!

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

A lot of it is Schadenfreude, Mal. Some of it is rubber-necking. Some people go out of a sense of irony. Some people go because AICN is still one of the two or three biggest. Some go specifically for the Talkbacks. Some Talkbackers have built lasting friendships with one another.

Some people go because they've always gone. I probably fall in this camp more than I fall in the other camps.

The rest of the people who go do so because they don't know any better.

[Jubbers]

Goiter goes because Goiter loves to be annoyed. He needs annoyance like the rest of us need air.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Well, there's that.

[Dalty]

It's not even your lawn!

[scarletregina]

Ugh, why did I click on that link? AICN is such a mess of a site. Makes my eyes bleed - not to mention the writing makes me weep.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It seems to me that he writes the way he would talk. It's still annoying as fuck, but I've read some of these things that are supposedly unreadable and it's not all that difficult to make sense of them. Harry just comes off as a swooning fanboy. If everyone is so tired of his crappy writing, why is there any activity on AICN at all? There are plenty of other websites offering movie news and previews, and they're probably less annoying.

The one I rewrote isn't unreadable. It was pretty clearly written--for him, at least. That's part of why I chose to rewrite it. It didn't take as much work as some of his other stuff. The big problem for people is that they actually have to concentrate on occasion to puzzle out his meaning. He also breaks in weird places.

Have a look at his latest thing:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/66860

The stuff in the introductory paragraph isn't so bad, but then you get into the disc-specific reviews, and you see things like this:

"TOMMY BOY director Peter Segal helms this conceptual comedy, that actually steers in better directions."

"Now, it’d be even cooler if when they do the Expanded Edition Limited Edition with statuary, if it was the Gates of Erebor. Right? Naw, we want Smaug and Gold and Bilbo right?"

"Apparently, the UFO is powered by something that allows it to shut all gravity, save for the specific gravity it wants to go where it wants to."

"I love Fred Astaire – and he’s a fashion photography tasked with finding a new face and comes up with nothing but Audrey Hepburn, whom he grooms for the fashion world while falling helplessly, madly and truly in love with Hepburn."

"It just… it works SO MUCH BETTER. Like when Gandalf is fighting Sherlock Holmes in pure darkness form… watching it as a flat image, it feels like a bunch of sound and fury, but there’s not a lot of AWE to it. Watch the exact same sequence on a high quality 3D projection set up – and it’s like. WHOA!"

You can usually figure out what he's trying to say, but it's not like he makes it easy for you.

[Dalty]

Did the translator machine come up with 'Fap, Fap, uuunnngh, Yoko bring me some pie!' ??

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Here's another line that, while readable, is just terrible:

"It’s fun in 2D, but in 3D… it’s amazing to just watch someone that took what Tolkien wrote – combined it with the T-Rex River scene from Crichton’s original JURASSIC PARK – turned all attackers into Orcs, then threw in Elves – and you have a scene that is just breathtaking in 3D. "

[Corporal_Hicks]

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/67035

Check the last line of this article. Jeremy (Mr Beaks) waits until the last sentence and then firmly puts his foot in his mouth.

"We'll find out very soon which one of these fellas will be faced with the tall task of out-acting Mark Hamill, Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen."

Stupid.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Mark Hamill is great in Return of the Jedi.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

More so in the last half of the movie. When I was very young, I remember it being a little weird to me how he shows up being all sage at the beginning. It didn't seem to me like he had earned the transformation. I couldn't have put it in those words back then, of course. I didn't quite buy it.

Looking back on it, I realize that was probably part of the point. It's a bluff. He's not yet a Jedi. He's probably pretty scared.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Harry wrote something yesterday:

From the diaper dusty hills of Alamogordo comes word from Ernie Cline & Tom Joad of The E.T. Pit!!!

It was coherent, insightful, and intelligent. Good going, Harry!

[Dalty]

Must be sarcasm. I found it as painful as ever to read.

[Corporal_Hicks]

Mark Hamill is great in Return of the Jedi.

He's great in Empire too, especially as he has to play most of the movie acting and reacting to non-human creatures (R2, Yoda, and Dark Vader). He has very few scenes with other human actors and pretty much nails it.

I think some have the "Tosche station" line delivery singed on their minds. I also think some aren't crazy about his "Luke, I am your father" reaction in Empire, but it has been several years since I've heard anyone complain about that.

The talkbackers, obviously, piled on Mr Beaks for the comments, and it is one of the few times I have ever seen every talkbacker form a solid, united front against something dumb that had been said on the site.