Soccer

[Adam54]

That makes sense.I feel like the only sport which would HAVE to use the word match is tennis, right? Since there are games within the match?

[Dalty]

Games, sets AND a match. It's almost too much!

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

When I hear "match," I think of tennis.

Or arson.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Or dating sites.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Or candy.

[Mal Shot First]

Or med school.

Ugh.

[Dalty]

Dating. Now here's a thing!

[Adam54]

I've joined a dating site called "Coffee Meets Bagel." Where past dating sites have mailed me new "matches" every day, Coffee Meets Bagel emails me one new "Bagel" per day. I get a message titled "Adam! Here's your daily bagel! Act fast before she gets away!"

I'm sticking with this site until one of two things happen.

1. The creepy novelty of getting sexy bagels emailed to me wears off.
2. I go on a date with one of the daily bagels so that I can ask her if she gets emails saying "Dr. Magic! Here's your daily coffee! Act fast before he gets away!"

[Dalty]

Online dating is amazingly the worst thing in the world and the best thing in the world at the same time.

[Adam54]

I'm also curious if only guys are called "coffee" and women are "bagels" or if some point I'll get emailed a lady coffee?

This site is bizarre. I love it.

[Dalty]

On it.........

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I never did any sort of on-line dating back when I was a bachelor. Most of the time, I was either dating somebody or thanking the stars that I wasn't dating somebody. (I used to get roped into relationships. I didn't want to be in them. They just fell in my lap and I let them peter out at their own pace.)

I've been in situations where women who befriended me on LiveJournal or MySpace or Facebook have either flown in to see me or have invited me to fly to them. Most of the time, I met these people through other friends. I'd post something on a mutual friend's page, and the friend of my friend would like what I had posted. She would then send me a friend request, start chatting with me, and eventually suggest meeting up. I guess that's something like on-line dating.

I've never actually created a profile on a dating site in hopes of finding romance. I created a profile on a meet-and-fuck site some years back because a friend of mine sent me links to naked pictures, and I discovered when I clicked the links that I couldn't view them unless I created an account first. (The friend was a male friend, in case you were wondering.)

Clicking around on the meet-and-fuck site is the closest I've come to getting an idea of what dating sites are like. The difference between the average male profile and average female profile is pretty telling. Women tend to go to great lengths to describe the kind of people they feel themselves to be, and they go to great lengths to describe the kind of men or women they're interested in. They choose well-lit shots--usually either 3/4 profile or straight on--as their profile pics, and they include a series of shots of their clothed and unclothed bodies from different angles. Men tend to post a dong shot and call it a day.

When I created the profile, I only filled in the required blanks. You could choose age, height, and weight with a slider. I declared myself to be something like eighty years old, three feet tall, and five-hundred pounds. I completely forgot about my profile a day or two after I created it. A month later, I got an e-mail update featuring ten or so "winks" or "flirts" or whatever that particular site called it when a person showed interest. Either there's a handful of St. Louisans out there who have a thing for vertically challenged, morbidly obese octogenarians, or there's a handful of people out there willing to fuck pretty much anyone.

[Adam54]

You are NOT sending me a picture of any portion of you which could be considered a bagel, Dalty! I forbid it!

[Fake Strider]

Either there's a handful of St. Louisans out there who have a thing for vertically challenged, morbidly obese octogenarians, or there's a handful of people out there willing to fuck pretty much anyone.

Why not both?

[Mal Shot First]

(The friend was a male friend, in case you were wondering.)

It was also not me, in case you were wondering.

Was this before or after I met Vespa? If it was before, then why the hell did you not share this information with me?!
On second thought, this kind of thing seems awfully shady. I wouldn't be surprised if half the people who try to hook up using that site end up getting robbed.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It was before, I think.

I didn't share it with you precisely because it was shady. I thought maybe I mentioned it to you back when, but I guess I didn't. The site still sends me the occasional e-mail (three or four a year, I think), even though I went through all the hoops you're supposed to go through to stop getting e-mail notifications.

I'm hoping my affiliation with the site will pop up if I ever run for public office. I didn't use my real name or give them any kind of credit info, but they do have my Yahoo! e-mail address. If the site really wanted to figure out who I am, it wouldn't take much work.

I also have an account with Chaturbate. I'm a lurker. It gets pretty boring after a while.

[Jubbers]

My dad pressured me into trying out online dating while I was in college (My parents were convinced that I was asexual for a long time, and then they thought I was gay, which my mom - but not my dad - was fine with. Now that I'm married, they don't care what I am , but they are disappointed that I'm not going to make more Jubboiters). I went through the extremely lengthy process that is the eHarmony profile test (again, his recommendation) only to be told at the end that I was among the approximately 10% of people that they just can't help. That really helps one's self-esteem.

I briefly had a spartan OK Cupid profile for a while, as well, since two of my friends had met guys through that (both are now married to said guys, in fact). Ultimately I learned that my sometimes crippling social anxiety was just as bad (if not worse) online as it was off. I need my months of acquaintanceship before I'm comfortable around people in certain contexts (I can teach and give presentations just fine. No intimacy there), and online dating doesn't allow for that. I was a lurker on Corona for quite a while before posting. I had an account for a few months before even telling Goiter that it existed, and he actually made my first few posts for me as a way to ease me into it. Does this make me a sock puppet who has gained autonomy?

[Quasar]

Goits still makes all my posts for me.

[Dalty]

I know what you meant re: the profiles. Getting nowhere with the typical man profile (sans dong pic, it wasn't that kind of site!) so I roped in a female mate who has known me for 32 years. She picked my profile pics and listed out what she thought was good about me from a female perspective. We worked this into an amended profile and BAM !

Damn woman is a genius! I am drowning in an avalanche of clunge!

[Adam54]

A bagel just liked me! I repeat, a BAGEL JUST LIKED ME!

[Mal Shot First]

At first I read, "A bagel is just like me!"

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It's at least a little disturbing that this site is essentially calling women soft holes.

[Adam54]

It's at least a little ironic that the first bagel woman they've fixed me up with is Jewish.

[Dalty]

Hmmmmm, adventures?

[Mal Shot First]

It's at least a little disturbing that this site is essentially calling women soft holes.

This reminds me of that episode of The Cosby Show where Theo and Cockroach keep referring to girls as burgers, thus offending Denise and Vanessa.