Things there should be words for:

[Dalty]

That strange sense of mild satisfaction only a guy can get when they successfully complete a laundry cycle on a setting that is not the normal "40c / Mixed" cycle they use ALL the other times.

[Dalty]

That particular post alcohol and sleep itch that only a fried breakfast can scratch.

[Dalty]

The repeated memory loss when trying to recall if one should put lime or lemon in a gin & tonic.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Something tells me you'd've already come up for words with these things if you weren't such a lush. Then again, you probably wouldn't feel the need to come up with words for these things if you weren't such a lush.

[Dalty]

I have given up smoking so am self medicating with gin.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

If you decide to give up gin and manage to get a doctor to prescribe you clomethiazole, try not to self-medicate by taking thirty-two of those clomethiazole tablets all at once.

[Dalty]

More things there should be a word for:

The frustrating fear one feels when one realises that despite earning nearly 4x the average salary and sitting in the top 2% of earners, house prices are so mentally fucked up that the "Forever Home" remains out of reach with a 25yr mortgage.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Sounds like you want too nice a home. I bet you're expecting all the mod cons--like light, water, heat, and the such. Don't be so fancy. Go shanty.

[Dalty]

I made a crucial tactical error when, on break up from ex-Mrs Dalty, I went property ladder and secure the Dalty-Cave. Meanwhile, the houses one rung up from where I was, so two up from where I am now, jumped by 25% in one year. Curses!

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

http://www.clickhole.com/article/7-feel ... -asap-3756

[Dalty]

Yeah - right idea, but clearly written by somebody who is about as funny as rectal prolapse.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It's ClickHole. It's probably funnier than you realize. Examine the sixth one more closely.

[Dalty]

I have. It's not.

[Dalty]

That feeling of immense frustration you get when somebody asks you for help then resolutely refuses to accept it.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Are you familiar with ClickHole, Dalty?

[Dalty]

Nope. Is it not just another click bait site?

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It's a fake click bait site devised by writers of The Onion to mock actual click bait sites. Click around on some of the other articles. There's some good stuff.

[Dalty]

I will get frickin' clickin'