- Burman's
- Blue Plate
- Kraft
- Duke's
- Hellmann's
- Thomy
- Bama
- p$$t...
I didn't include Miracle Whip. It's not mayonnaise. I also didn't include Kewpie, despite its interesting flavor, because it's just a little too off-script for me to consider it mayonnaise. Still, I like it as a kind of change of pace.
I also didn't include Heinz. I would have, but it has been some time since I had any, and I can no longer call its taste to mind. I remember being generally OK with it.
To be honest, it's also been a long time since I had Blue Plate. If I were to re-taste it, I might find myself moving it down the list. I suspect I'm holding it in the esteem I'm holding it in mostly because I had my mother mail me Blue Plate mayonnaise the last time I was in Germany. Thomy and all the other generic German mayonnaises that taste just like it weren't cutting it. Blue Plate lifted me up and became something of a mayonnaise savior.
I'm usually happy to have any of the mayonnaises from Burman's all the way down to Hellmann's. Burman's has become my gold standard over the course of the last few years. It and the two ranked below it have a similar amount of salty with just a touch of sweet. Duke's has little to no discernible sweet. I like it, but, as is the case with Kewpie, I like it more as a change of pace than as a staple. It's the kind that goes well with some foods and not well with others. My top three generally go well with anything.
Hellmann's is just ever so slightly sweeter than I like. Thomy is just a touch sweeter than Hellmann's and is maybe a little too smooth for my tastes. Bama is the right texture, but it's so sweet it's damned near Miracle Whip. p$$t... is less sweet than Bama, but it's still sweeter than I like, and it's so limp and runny and gross that I actively find myself looking forward to finishing the jar so I can move on to a better mayonnaise.