I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
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We once roamed the vast forums of Corona Coming Attractions. Some of us had been around from The Before Times, in the Days of Excelsior, while others of us had only recently begun our trek. When our home became filled with much evil, including the villainous Cannot-Post-in-This-Browser and the dreaded Cannot-Log-In, we flounced away most huffily to this new home away from home. We follow the flag of Jubboiter and talk about movies, life, the universe, and everything, often in a most vulgar fashion. All are welcome here, so long as they do not take offense to our particular idiom.
We once roamed the vast forums of Corona Coming Attractions. Some of us had been around from The Before Times, in the Days of Excelsior, while others of us had only recently begun our trek. When our home became filled with much evil, including the villainous Cannot-Post-in-This-Browser and the dreaded Cannot-Log-In, we flounced away most huffily to this new home away from home. We follow the flag of Jubboiter and talk about movies, life, the universe, and everything, often in a most vulgar fashion. All are welcome here, so long as they do not take offense to our particular idiom.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
It will only work if upside down on a rope ladder.
- Scotia
- Money Bag Polisher - 100 Posts
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- Location: New Scotland, according to the Romans
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
It's a bit late but my congratulations to you. Best of luck and all.....but most of all enjoy them while they are small cuz it lasts but an instant.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
A load of my mates kids are starting secondary school today. Christ, I feel old.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Any news Mal? Getting close?
Signed up for antenatal classes today. Hopefully will learn to get a grip on this! Nursery furniture ready to order too. Getting real now.
Signed up for antenatal classes today. Hopefully will learn to get a grip on this! Nursery furniture ready to order too. Getting real now.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Nursery furniture inbound and first other baby stuff bought. Freaking out a little.
- neglet
- Shoots First - 1138 Posts
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Oh, please. You don't have to push a bowling bowl out of your body. Stop whining. And whinging, too.
- The Swollen Goiter of God
- Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
I couldn't push a child out of the Down There even if I wanted to. My pelvis was crushed into many pieces by a van and fused back together by a combination of cold American steel and German medical science.
- The Swollen Goiter of God
- Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
I say "German medical science," but I suppose it's more accurate to call it a German application of an outmoded technique developed by the ancient Greeks. Skeletal traction was the thing. It's my understanding that it's making a comeback, but I think a lot of people in orthopedic medicine still consider it quackery.
The US military hospital wanted to drive me to a US military hospital, take me out of traction, and put me in a body cast. The doctors at the German hospital to which I'd been rushed before my nationality could be determined (I was in shock for much of the ambulance ride and not entirely coherent) thought that would be a bad idea. My mother, who was pretty distrustful of US military hospitals, was persuaded to keep me where I was and how I was. It was probably for the best, though I suppose I'll never know.
The US military hospital wanted to drive me to a US military hospital, take me out of traction, and put me in a body cast. The doctors at the German hospital to which I'd been rushed before my nationality could be determined (I was in shock for much of the ambulance ride and not entirely coherent) thought that would be a bad idea. My mother, who was pretty distrustful of US military hospitals, was persuaded to keep me where I was and how I was. It was probably for the best, though I suppose I'll never know.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Your bodies are designed to do that Negs. Our bodies are designed to flap about adding nothing of value and to worry about everything. This is the nesting phase. The next phase is the unconditional love phase to stop me from eating it!!! Its chemical.neglet wrote:Oh, please. You don't have to push a bowling bowl out of your body. Stop whining. And whinging, too.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
If they'd gave taken you to a US Military hospital then, in a freak admin accident, you could have accidentally had experimental armour embedded into you. We could have been reading funny books and watching Marvel movies about you.
Damn efficient Germans, robbing us of our superheroes.
Damn efficient Germans, robbing us of our superheroes.
- The Swollen Goiter of God
- Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
I'll probably be in a wheelchair by the time Jubboiter graduates from high school, whatever the case.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Will the wheelchair have AI and turbo boost? Do you have a leather jacket? Could you rock a perm?
- The Swollen Goiter of God
- Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
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- Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Considering my present inability even to pay Adam for his Swedish Fish Oreos, it's unlikely.
- The Swollen Goiter of God
- Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
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- Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
I don't wear jackets. I was once made to wear a permed mullet. For weeks. I didn't rock it.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Drive yourself up into a mobile command base for a flirty and playful exchange of views with a surprisingly hot technical support expert?
- The Swollen Goiter of God
- Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
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- Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
- Location: St. Louis
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Well, Jubbers will theoretically still be around, so it's possible.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Will she wear a jumpsuit with shoulder pads? I could be the grouchy old Englishman who, while appearing exasperated at your recklessness, secretly feels all paternal and protective towards you.
- The Swollen Goiter of God
- Postapocalypse Survivor - 7510 Posts
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- Joined: January 9th, 2014, 8:46 pm
- Location: St. Louis
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
I imagine she'll wear a t-shirt with jeans, same as always.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Knight Rider is teh bestest. Jubbers needs to realise!
- Jubbers
- Site Admin
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Every single dress I was made to wear as a child had shoulder pads. Never again.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Did you ever perform mechanical engineering on a car with a personality while wearing them?
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
OK - Daddy advice. Little Dalty is due to make his appearance on 19th Jan. Obviously there is a period where complete abstention from alcohol on my part is desirable so I am in tip top condition for a hospital dash should it be required. I am thinking the moment NYE celebrations are out of the way then that's it. No booze, even a couple of after work beers with the team etc., until after Jr arrives. Is 1st Jan sensible timing for a 19th Jan due date, or should I be going earlier???
- Mal Shot First
- Wall of Text Climber - 2500 Posts
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Dude, how often do you drink? This wasn't even a concern for me.
I imagine you should be fine if you stop drinking more than two weeks before the due date.
I imagine you should be fine if you stop drinking more than two weeks before the due date.
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
Most weekends. Just don't want to be settling down to a third glass of red wine on NYE and be told "Get the car!" and be worried in case I am over the limit!
- Dalty
- Vegeta-ble Slicer - 9001 Posts
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- Joined: January 11th, 2014, 5:28 am
Re: I'm going to be a father, motherfuckers!
First antenatal class next Saturday where I am hoping the dark arts of parenthood will be revealed.......well, or at least some insight into the mysterious potions and powders all parents I know seem to carry with them at all times.