God"saddlebags"zilla *minor spoilers possible*

[Corporal_Hicks]

Very disappointed.

I'll spare you the whole background story, but I was a bit of a Godzilla dork as a kid. I had every movie on VHS and they were all a consistent part of my rotation.

To that point, I rarely have nightmares, but when I do they are vivid and feature either an inescapable giant tornado situation OR and inescapable giant monster situation (zombies used to be included in this list, but I'm numb to that now).

The new Godzilla struggled to keep my attention. I had read that human moments were weak (true), but I was prepared look past all of that, but it just didn't work for me on any level. This is the modern take on Godzilla. Emmerich's was a live action cartoon. What Edwards I think is efforting here is, essentially, how would you feel if you turned on the tv and saw raw live news footage of Godzilla destroying a city? How would the military react? How would the world governments react? Sounds like a cool movie, huh? Edwards drops the ball at the simplest level, the character, who were are supposed to be experiencing this terror with, are completely lifeless and boring that the film never has a chance to get off the ground. I don't think anyone is asking for Goodfellas level characterization here, but where is the damn charisma? Watching a monster destroy a city, in this world Edwards created, should be absolutely fucking terrifying. Watanbe wears the same expression, whether staring at a computer screen or staring at Godzilla swimming at 50 knots towards an aircraft carrier. There is a main character but I have no idea what that character's name is. Most of the film is told from his point of view. He is perennially screwed and eternally boring. The blame is all laid at the feet of the director as these are fine actors in their other films.

At the end of the day the film ends with the ultimate misstep when we are urged to stand up and cheer Godzilla, who we have never really seen, for saving the day. Hey, nevermind he destroyed Honolulu killing about 500,000 innocent people 45 minutes ago!

Godzilla is also quite portly, as in obese.

[Space Tycoon]

I simply must see this film.

[Corporal_Hicks]

I thought so too, Spacey. It is not good.

[Space Tycoon]

Neither am I.

[Space Tycoon]

Okay, that sounded weird, granted.

Even to me.

[Space Tycoon]

Still wanna see it tho.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Jubboiter and finances are the two things keeping us out of the theater. What's keepin' you out, Spacey?

[Space Tycoon]

There's people in the theatre.

I don' like people real much.

[Dalty]

I hate going to the theatre on my own. You hate going with other people.

So near, yet so far!!

[Mal Shot First]

The only thing the two of you have in common, apparently, is that you hate going to the theater.

[Space Tycoon]

One day I'll be rich enough that I'll have my own theatre. I'll use it for myself, and no-one else.

Well, maybe my replicant sexbot can join me. It'll at least feel like a real date.

Kind of.

[Dalty]

Until you find out she's cheating on you with the toaster.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

She wouldn't dream of it. Toasters are too sheepish.

[Mal Shot First]

I don't know - toasters can be pretty hot, after all.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

And they're OK with you sticking it either hole.

[omicron]

I honestly have no desire to see this. Guess giant monster movies just don't tickle my fancy. I think the only one's I've watched have been the MST3K ones.

[Dalty]

I always think the attraction in all giant monster movies is watching how they make it not all about the giant monster.

Success = Jaws
Hit and Miss = Pacific Rim
Fail = Godzilla US'97

[Corporal_Hicks]

Human characters in:

Godzilla '97 = cartoonish
Godzilla 2014 = bland & boring

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

They warn't no Godzilla picher in '97! Watchew fellers talkin' 'bout?

[Dalty]

We all got it in 1997. They just made you wait a year.

[Space Tycoon]

Would Alien(s) count as giant monster movies? I mean the Queen was rather big.

If so I think we would all agree on the "win" designation.

[Dalty]

We can probably agree that any movie with a non-human protagonist, regardless of size, needs good humans rather than just a good monster??

[Dalty]

So in short, we have decided characters are important. Groundbreaking stuff!

[Space Tycoon]

Even such fleeting characters as Wierzbowski.

[Dalty]

Somebody has to be first to die. Or 2nd. Or was it 3rd? I can never remember.