The Pro Wrestling Thread

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

He'd love to sort out Barnet, but Barnet won't take him.

Poor dude. Can't even get on a fifth tier team in England.

Now I'm imagining all the players in the Barnet FC with floofy, dumb-looking hair.

[Dalty]

Yes, that's exactly what I meant.

[Adam54]

Y'know, it's nice to see all these guys looking to make the move to a tougher sport like wrestling. I approve.

Honestly, that goalkeeper..Wiese? Was that his name? He'll make a monster heel someday. I took one look at him flexing in the mirror with his long greasy hair and two sleeves of tattoos and already hated his guts. Nice signing, Vince McMahon.

[Dalty]

Your first mistake was that you referred to it as a sport.

[Adam54]

I see, I see.

And my second mistake?

[Adam54]

Also, unrelated to soccer, but here's a fascinating look at the impending death of TNA and WWE becoming a virtual monopoly again. http://grantland.com/features/tna-profe ... rrett-wwe/

[Dalty]

I see, I see.

And my second mistake?

Not referring to it as pre-scripted, costumed, full contact theatre.

[Adam54]

Oh, but I have a good reason for both of those things.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It's scripted the way an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm is scripted. They have a general outline with beats to hit, but there's a lot of improvisation, and the nature of the beast makes it so that going off-script isn't all that uncommon. The stunts are still dangerous, too, so when they don't go as planned, the wrestlers have to think on their feet (or, occasionally, while rolling around in the ring).

But I'm guessing Dalty knows all this, since he's more or less been told all this a number of times.

[Mango]

I think "Ready to Rumble" does a good job of actually pointing out how pro-wrestling works and then interjecting a plot that circumvents the problems that would cause.
Unfortunately it was marketed as the exact opposite with the most prominent line, at least as far as I recall, from the trailer being "Wrestlings not FAKE!" which the movie actually admits pretty much outright.

Stupid movie, but funny.

[Adam54]

It's scripted the way an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm is scripted. They have a general outline with beats to hit, but there's a lot of improvisation, and the nature of the beast makes it so that going off-script isn't all that uncommon. The stunts are still dangerous, too, so when they don't go as planned, the wrestlers have to think on their feet (or, occasionally, while rolling around in the ring).

But I'm guessing Dalty knows all this, since he's more or less been told all this a number of times.

I think I can make a pretty solid argument, in no small part on the back of what Goiter said here, that at least in terms of athletic competition, professional wrestling is much more of a sport than soccer.

Well, maybe not MUCH more, but definitely more.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I dunno. Soccer can require a person to be insanely active.

I had debilitating asthma when I was growing up. I kept a rescue inhaler on me at all times. When I played (American) football, I kept one stashed in my elbow brace. When I played baseball, I kept it behind my waistband.

I devised something called the "asthma test" when I was in high school. Any sport I could actively engage in from start to finish held up to the asthma test. Anything that sidelined me before completing a match or specific task at hand didn't hold up to the asthma test.

American football, baseball, volleyball, sprints, middle-distance runs, lap swimming, sparring, and Greco-Roman wrestling all passed the asthma test. They might induce asthma, but I could puff up and keep going. Soccer, basketball, and long-distance runs were too much. Anything that might require more than, say, ten near-unbroken minutes of hard running was too much. I could run a mile in under seven minutes, but I couldn't run two. I could alternate between walking and jogging for the second mile and still come up with a time that wasn't too bad, but I couldn't flat-out run for a second mile. I could play soccer or basketball for a bit, but staying in for a full game was unthinkable. I would have passed out on the field if I had tried.

Of course, the lungs aren't the only things that determine what makes a sport a grueling sport. My lungs were my specific limitation. Some other thing might be some other person's limitation. Any one sport can have any number of things going for it or against it. American football, for example, requires very different things of its quarterbacks, linemen, wide receivers, etc. A sluggish, 5'2" pencil-neck might look on in awe at the sportsmanship on display on the line of scrimmage. The mass/speed combination is incredibly important for linemen. The sluggish pencil-neck wouldn't have the necessary tools to excel on the line. He could work on his speed, and he could find some way to sneak attack and play against expectations, but he would likely struggle, and he'd probably get thrown around more often than not.

It's clear, to me at least, that professional wrestling as a sport can require a high degree of athleticism. On the other hand, it's not something required of all the participants. We've already discussed how some of the people there are there because they are charismatic or towering or legacies. They're not all there because they're incredible athletes.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

[Mal Shot First]

He'd better take the job. Isn't he pretty much done with soccer at his age?

Maybe goalkeepers can be older. There's a lot less running.

I don't know why it didn't occur to me before, but Ryan Giggs from Manchester United was also technically still active until this past season, when he was 40 years old. Toward the end of the 2013-14 season, he was acting as interim manager after Moyes was fired. In the last home game, he subbed himself in with 20 minutes left to go and got an assist in the third goal for his team.

Regardless of how one feels about ManU, Giggs is just a phenomenon.

[Dalty]

He is a low form of scum, not really human. More like dog-shit.

[Adam54]

This made me deliriously happy. Skip ahead to about 4 minutes to see the greatest pro wrestler of all time make his appearance.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

"I don't think the big Russian was expecting this! I don't think anybody in Brooklyn or the world was expecting this!" (camera cuts immediately to fan holding giant Rock head)

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

You'd think fans would be inured to the Rock returning. Doesn't he do it, like, twice a year?

[Adam54]

Allegedly, and I do mean allegedly, even the announcers weren't clued in. Jerry Lawler apparently heard The Rock's music hit and assumed Big Show would be coming out dressed as The Rock. Because that's both the level at which Jerry Lawler's brain and the WWE storylines have been at lately.

Side note: Jerry Lawler needs to retire. The guy used to be a very good if not great heel announcer. Now he's supposedly stunned by The Rock's unexpected return and the best he can manage is "What?!" "What?!" and an even higher pitched "Ahh!" That's not good.

Side side note: Nobody will ever be a better heel announcer than Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. I spent some time on YouTube listening to his greatest hits the other day. The guy was just hilarious.

[Adam54]

And 1-2 Rock appearances per year has become the norm, but you never know exactly when or where they'll come. He wrestled at Wrestlemania 29 and dropped the belt to John Cena, then wasn't seen again until Wrestlemania 30 when he did a bit with Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin. Last Monday was his first appearance since and will probably be his last until at least next March. Rumors are flying that he really wants to wrestle, but movie studios would greatly prefer he doesn't. Such a tough decision for him.

Y'know. Exactly like the plot of Sophie's Choice.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

The dark secret of Sophie's Choice is that the decision was incredibly fucking easy for her.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Still couldn't pick Jericho and Orton out of a lineup.

Despite having found the above mildly humorous, I'm pretty sure I still couldn't pick Orton out of a lineup.

[Mal Shot First]

Reminds me of these:
http://gieftmnd.ytmnd.com/
http://zangiefd.ytmnd.com/

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I thought it might.

[Adam54]

WWE's Hell in a Cell PPV is this Sunday.

I'm considering reactivating my WWE Network subscription for it.

I'm also considering not doing that until somewhere in between next month's Survivor Series and January's Royal Rumble.

Decisions, decisions.