Jubbers's Tales o' the Move

[Dalty]

So what business is it of your employers if you spend all weekend coked off your face as long as you turn up on time and bring your A-game when at work?

[Jubbers]

That's just the U.S. for you (the war on drugs!). And if your company makes products that people abuse and get in trouble for, you get double scrutiny. They also gave me a long document on what should happen, for instance, if I ever get a DUI or something similar.

Goiter parked in front of a driveway last night. Mind you, it's the only driveway on our street (everyone else, like us, must parallel park along it, park in alley spaces, etc, we're new here, and it was dark, etc. Angry lady called police. Police didn't write us a ticket for the bad parking, but instead wrote two separate tickets for things which were not actually wrong (lack of plates - we have both required, and the tags are up to date - and lack of inspection - sticker is right where it is supposed to be, and it is also current). And they got our license plate one digit off on the two tickets. I attempted to call, but was interrupted by the lady screaming at me to move my car, which is how I figured out why the ticketing likely happened. We spent the morning going downtown to contest the two wrong violations (and to point out the license plate error).

[Dalty]

Friendly neigbour!

[Mal Shot First]

Did your angry neighbor insinuate that you were sired by firearms?

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Not this time.

[Dalty]

Not a lady dog?

[Dalty]

Even though that would make you a cute and adorable puppy.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

She called me a shitass.

[Mal Shot First]

At least she didn't call you a fuckass.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Dalty]

Asses are where shit comes from. She was being factual.

I think it's an entirely proportionate response to burn her house down, kill her children and hang her pets from a lamppost, but then again I'm a bastard.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I don't know if our street could handle another death so soon after the last one.

I've told the boards the story about my grandfather and the guy who called him "shitass," right?

[Dalty]

Children dead, flaming house, suspended pets?

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Close.

One dead kid, arson, and livestock disagreements.

[Dalty]

Close enough. Burning livestock would also have been acceptable.