Dalty (and Adam's) Dating Adventures

[Adam54]

Well, Springsteen is usually more of a third date topic, but let's just say things progressed rather quickly last night.

Seriously the most bizarre first date I've ever been on. Still processing things.

And no, Bruce love/hate isn't a deal breaker. Though if she were to give me an answer of, say "I'm okay with his music, but he should leave his politics out of it," we're not gonna get along.

[Dalty]

My minor satellite channels tell me it's a man who goes by the name of Tony Danza?

[Adam54]

Don't even get Goiter started.

[Adam54]

Also, Dalty, I hereby challenge you to work any variation you see fit of the phrase "I smell what you're cookin'" into conversation on Saturday.

If I can do it, a lady killer like you sure can.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Gimme a Break!

[Space Tycoon]

Alyssa Milano was pretty boss. Still is.

[Space Tycoon]

hey I might be dating soon. Can I get in on this thread?

[Adam54]

Depends. How smoothly can you work wrestling catchphrases into conversations with women?

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Here's one for you to memorize, Spacey, if your date ever asks you a question:

"I, [Name of Date], have a question... to answer your question. As you, [Name of Date], travel to... OUR DATE... by conventional means, the normals you travel with experience malfunctions. As you realize ALL THAT IS LEFT is total self-destruction, do you, [Name of Date], show self-pity? DO YOU, [Name of Date], try to reason why? Do you, [Name of Date], try and comfort the normals that have even more fear than you?"

[Dalty]

I refuse to use the phrase "I smell what ya cooking" unless I can, quite literally, identify what it is that she is cooking purely from my sense of smell.

[Adam54]

I refuse to use the phrase "I smell what ya cooking" unless I can, quite literally, identify what it is that she is cooking purely from my sense of smell.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Adam's probably expecting Dalty to react this way:



Instead, Dalty will probably react this way:



You know, it's pretty fuckin' perverse that they egg Chicken Boo.

[Dalty]

I have no idea what any of this is. Except Fox.

[Adam54]

Is "Hey Dalty! You're a chicken!" something that we'd need to address in the Teach Dalty American thread?

[Dalty]

I know that bit. I still refuse to smell your cooking. Chicken or otherwise.

[Mal Shot First]

Two weeks ago, we had to throw out some chicken that had gone bad. Because I knew that it was going to be out there in our trash can for a few days, I put it in a Ziploc bag and tied the Ziploc bag in a plastic bag, just to try to prevent the smell from getting too bad (and to prevent the fungi and insects from infesting the trashcan). I put that package at the bottom of the empty can. On trash day, I put the main garbage bag on top of that.

When I got home that day, I noticed that the garbage had been picked up, but the bag with the chicken in it was still there. Apparently, the garbage crew doesn't just pick up the cans and flip them over to dump their contents into the truck. Instead, they just take the bags out of the cans. That's how the chicken stayed at the bottom of the trash can for another week and started stinking up the yard in a five-foot radius. I sure as hell smelled what was cookin' in there.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Looks like your plans were foiled.

Speaking of foil: if you'd used it, the smell might not have escaped.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

That was a pretty weak setup.

[Jubbers]

Looks like your plans were foiled.

Speaking of foil: if you'd used it, the smell might not have escaped.

To quote Weird Al, it "keeps all my flavors sealed in tight" so I don't have to deal with "fungal rot, bacterial formation / Microbes, enzymes, mold, and oxidation."

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I was expecting you to post the video. I guess the setup was even weaker than I thought it was.

[Jubbers]

Better? Or is it too late, already ruined, and such?

[Jubbers]

No reason.

[Dalty]

Back from Leeds. What a nice place full of nice people. I might have to see if I can meet a nice Northern girl online!

[Dalty]

It started as an opportunity not to close down a guaranteed booty-call.

It has turned into me dispensing career advice via WhatsApp.

I am doing this wrong......

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Here's some Very Useful advice a Very Useful man once gave me:

Don't borrow other people's shit, and don't let other people borrow your shit. If you let friends borrow your shit, you're as like to lose your friends as you are to lose your shit. And if you're borrowin' shit all the time, your credit's gonna go to shit. Your top priority's gotta be this: be true to you. Be true to you, and you'll be true to other folks. Sure as day turns to night, man. Sure as day turns to fuckin' night.