Huffy Flounce

Carrie Underwood - All American Girl

Verse 1 is about a father who wanted a boy but got a girl, and then she ended up being his whole world

Verse 2 is about the girl now a teenager becoming the whole world of the high school quarterback.

Verse 3:
"And when they got married and decided to have one of their own
She said, "Be honest, tell me what you want?"
And he said, "Honey, you oughta know"

Oughta know what? That he wants a girl? I guess if she'd been following along with the song, she should know. Because it says "All American Girl" in the chorus.

Seriously, he loves his wife so he should want a girl? I guess jack-ass dad didn't love his wife, cuz he wanted a damn BOY!

What he wants is to put his ding-dong up her butt. Obviously.

That makes sense.

Here are some songs with lyrics so dumb it hurts:







They all share the belief that they're very deep. I ought to throw Rush's "Freewill" in there.

You chose not to put Rush's "Freewill" in there, but you still made a choice.

I'd give your comment a "like" or an "upvote," but it's not a feature we have. Maybe we can coax Jubbers into seeing if it's addable--unless it would make things look too cluttered. Jubbers doesn't like design clutter.

If we're judging songs that are too earnest, I'd put Chicago's "Look Away" in there. I just love how it gets uber dramatic with the music and vocals and belts out

"BUT IF YOU SEE ME WALKING BY, AND THE TEARS ARE IN MY EYES, look away, baby, look away
AND IF WE MEET ON THE STREETS SOMEDAY, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, look away, baby, look away"

I always imagine watching a video for the song with a couple walking along the street with the dramatic music crashing around, and some doofus looking into the camera with a single tear trickling down his face. I should look up the video, because it's probably exactly like that.

I don't mean to get us off-track.

I remember hearing this one insanely stupid lyric about Romeo and Juliet in a Taylor Swift song. I'll dig it up.

Found it:

'Cause you were Romeo;
I was a scarlet letter.
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."



Why was she a scarlet letter? Because maybe she had sex with the guy? That's a pretty simplistic reading of The Scarlet Letter. And it doesn't really mesh with Romeo an Juliet.

The lyric's a callback to an earlier lyric in the song where she says, "You were Romeo. You were throwing pebbles, and my daddy said, 'Stay away from Juliet!'"

So I guess the first time the father's telling the guy to stay away from his daughter because he's afraid he'll ruin her with his ding-dong, but then they guy and the daughter sneak off and he ruins her with his ding-dong. Later, even though the guy's already ruined her, her father's still telling him to stay away. I guess it kinda works. Still, it does The Scarlet Letter a disservice to boil it down into a simple tale of ruination. I mean, is the Swift song's protagonist also an adulteress? Does Swift know the meaning behind the actual letter worn in The Scarlet Letter?

It's almost like a teenager just threw the only two things she was made to read in high school at a wall to see if they would stick.

How old was Swift when she wrote the song? I'm going to guess she was seventeen or eighteen.

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:I'd give your comment a "like" or an "upvote," but it's not a feature we have. Maybe we can coax Jubbers into seeing if it's addable--unless it would make things look too cluttered. Jubbers doesn't like design clutter.

Done.

The mother of all dumb lyrics:



The whole song's monumentally dumb, but the dumbest bit is this:

Fuckin' magnets!
How do they work?
And I don't want
to talk to a scientist.
Y'all motherfuckers lyin',
and gettin' me pissed!"

Since everyone already knows how stupid this song is, there's probably no reason to include it here. That said, no list of dumb lyrics should be without it.

I'm gonna be lazy and say that most of Katy Perry's lyrics are pretty dumb.

But her boo--I mean, her music is so bouncy!

I guess I find her rhymes dumber than the actual content of her lyrics.

"Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something is a pretty dumb song. The whole premise is that this guy's girlfriend wants to break up with him because they have nothing in common and he's clinging to their mutual appreciation of Breakfast at Tiffany's... except that she barely remembers the film and only "kinda liked it."

And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?
She said, "I think I remember the film
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

The even dumber part:

So what now?
It's clear to see we're over
And I hate when things are over
When so much is left undone.

Basically, the guy just doesn't like to break up with women and he'd rather stay in a meaningless relationship than go through the break-up.

I bet he likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Katy Perry is a goddess. End of.

Over here,there is bit of a standing joke about fucking Taylor Swift then not calling her just so the miserable old cow will write a song about you,

I'm willing to bet that's an international joke.

Bon Jovi - Who Says You Can't Go Home

"Who says you can't go home?
Why says you can't go back?
I been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I wanna go
Why says you can't go home?"

Well, going home and wanting to go home are 2 different things. Lots of people WANT to go home. That's why there's a saying about it.

The sailors of the Sloop John B wanna go home.

Thomas Wolfe says you can't go home again. James Joyce says you can never leave it.

James Joyce was terrible with a map.

Ulysses would indicate otherwise.

Bananarama's Bouncy Bits wrote:Over here,there is bit of a standing joke about fucking Taylor Swift then not calling her just so the miserable old cow will write a song about you,

(click me)