The New-Star-Wars-Teasers-Get-Their-Own-Threads Thread

[Dalty]

Undercover work is hard when you are the only Latino in the galaxy.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Jimmy Smits is half Puerto Rican. Does that count?

[Dalty]

Manny Both-Hanz secret identity is Bail Organa? Sneaky bastard!!!

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

"Bail Organa" sounds like a euphemism for ejaculation.

[Mal Shot First]

It would sound really awkward in a porno: "Oh, baby, I'm gonna bail organa!"

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It wouldn't sound all that awkward in a Star Wars-themed porno.

[Dalty]

"Bend over baby, I gotta Wedge that Antilles!!"

[Mal Shot First]

"She don't need no man. She does it Han Solo."

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

"Get in there, you big, furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!"

"Put that thing away before you get us all killed."

"You've got something jammed in here real good."

"Look at the size of that thing!"

"At that speed, do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?"

"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."

"Sorry about the mess."

[Dalty]

Goiter just ruined it.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Who better to destroy it than its creator?

[Dalty]

Threadacide????

[Dalty]

I think I want to hear some tales of Manuel Both-Hanz.

[Mal Shot First]

His penis was so huge that masturbation required both hanz.

[Dalty]

I think he sounds like a stone cold pimp.

[Mal Shot First]

Either that or he had unusually small hanz.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I think I want to hear some tales of Manuel Both-Hanz.

Shouldn't that be Manual Both-Hanz?

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I think I want to hear some tales of Manuel Both-Hanz.

Here's the tale of how the desert planet of Hoth was mistaken for an ice planet:

There once was a Wampa named Both-Hanz
Who liked to build castles in Hoth sands.
He liked it so much
He shot off to the touch
And covered the planet in white strands.

[Dalty]

Not enough derring. Plenty of do.

[Master Skywalker]

This old Jedi returned to talk of wars amongst the stars with old friends, and walked straight into a pun storm. Thursty (I'm just going to call you that, despite your moniker), your last round of exchanges just reminded me of the numerous name-play threads we used to have on CA's Star Wars forum. I should revive some of those. That was a lot of fun.

It's been a few days, but I'll do my best to sum up my reaction to the new teaser in one word:

HHHNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

My subsequent posts shall have more cogent thoughts.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I get called Thursty a lot 'round these here parts, Ulic. (I'm going to call you that, despite your moniker.)

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Jimmy Smits is half Puerto Rican. Does that count?

I was hoping someone would say, "That doesn't count for Dooku!"

No one said it, so I'm forced to say it myself.

[Mal Shot First]

Oh, yes. You had no choice.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

The midi-chlorians did it. They used me as a vessel. They controlled my actions. Contrary to Old Ben's assurances, though, they didn't obey my commands.

[Dalty]

All Rogue One teaser posts appear to have been Disney'd to death!