Huffy Flounce

So, it was five short years ago I bored you all senseless. And now it's nearly time again. This one is going to be a total mess according to all 'experts'.

It appears I'm not the only one willing to re-bore us today!

I am afraid so. It's going to be exciting for any observers of politics. I am considering taking the next day as leave from work and drinking through it for shits and giggles.

I remember staying up until 2 or 3 AM the last time around watching the live BBC stream of results coming in. They kept repeating the line of "Well, the people have spoken, but we haven't quite figured out what they've said yet!"

How are the Stark Raving Loony Monsters polling this go round?

And the Slightly Silly Party?

The Standing At The Back Dressed Stupidly and Acting Stupid Party are expected to lose their deposit!

The real raving loony party this time are Labour. Scarey times.

Serves 'em right for keeping the wrong Miliband!

They would be ahead in the polls if the other Milliband was in charge. The Tories should be 10 points ahead in the polls but are just not doing the business. They are failing to nail the economic argument and fudging the social argument.

So the Lib Dems maybe aren't dead?? They've always struck me as the party I'd probably choose, but Clegg is just a wildly ineffective leader.

Clegg is actually pretty awesome as a guy. The thing is the Lib Dems were always a bit of a crazy 'protest vote' party who, as perpetually third runners, could promise all types of shit with absolutely no danger of ever having to deliver it.

Then they entered the coalition to actually get into power which means the reality of running the show hit them hard and they realised you can't just promise all kinds of shit as now you might actually have to deliver it.

Problem is the general Lib Dem voter, who loved what they were saying without letting reality intrude on things, didn't like the reality of actually being involved in power.

So the protest vote has deserted them. Because if they had any fucking grip on reality they would never have supported them anyway.

Thing is, as a human being, Clegg actually comes across as a nice and decent guy.

Well of course. We graduated from the same college. How could he be anything else?

John Cleese is a Lib/Dem.

That must be very important to you.

How could it not be?

Televised audience debates last night. Snap poll gives it to Cameron.

The polls are all over the place. Neck and neck in one. Five points difference in others.

As it doesn't seem that likely any one party will take a majority, what's the most likely alliance to form? Tories and Lib Dems again? SNP and Labour after Bad Miliband eats his words? UKIP and the Stark Raving Loony Monsters?

SNP and Labour would be an unmitigated disaster and the rest of the world would think we have gone stark raving mad.

So five more years of the Tories and Lib Dems then, so long as the numbers add up?

Far from certain. Some form of collective madness appears to have overtaken around 35% of the population and then there is UKIP stealing some disaffected Tory votes. It's interesting and exciting but really could not be happening at a worse time.

What's this I'm reading about the right wing media hunting down a 17 year old girl and her family just because she's a Miliband supporter?!

Nothing that I have seen. Are you talking this #milifan stuff? Barely a ripple over here mate.

Damned misleading hashtags. Twitter was all atwitter about it this morning.

Really? I think the lefty activists have been making mischief. Literally nothing about it in any of the press here. But that is Socialist tactic #8 - "Do not debate with your opponent, you might lose, attack them!"

Just skim read the most right wing paper I could find and didn't see a lot more than Milliband being mocked for his stone tablet fuck-up and Russell Brand outing himself even further as a complete twunt.

What do you reckon is going on?