Re: Forum and In-Joke Guide
Posted: August 30th, 2014, 12:37 am
Past Goiter was an all-around great guy. Just a swell, swell guy. He'd put down whatever he was doing if you asked him for help. You wouldn't even know about it, because he wasn't the kind of guy to let you know you'd inconvenienced him. You'd be all like, "Thanks for coming right over and helping me move my stuff from Atlanta to Schenectady, Past Goiter," and he'd be all like, "No problem. I wasn't doin' nothin', and I've been looking for a chance to drive up to Schenectady for half a day."
And then he'd say he needed to excuse himself to make a phone call, and a couple years later you'd find out from a friend of a friend that the phone call was to the fire department, because he'd been cooking waffles when you called, and he figured he'd burned down his apartment building. Then you find out from his mother a decade after that that he burned down the whole block. Kittens. Toddlers. Two gay Holocaust survivors who'd been waiting their whole lives to get married and were scheduled to do it the day after the fire claimed their flaming hearts and feet and eyeballs, and... Good God, no one ever told you that eyeballs can explode in extreme heat, but Goiter's mother told you, and, Jesus Hell, you just can't seem to shake the image. Kittens, toddlers, two gay holocaust survivors, and probably some goldfish. All dead, and all because he left those pancakes going. But he never burdened you with it, because he was a great guy.
Just a great, great guy. Considerate. Humble. And smart! So smart and kind and funny! And good with kids! And he cared about the environment, too! And he had all those stray rescues living with him! Both the set before the fire and the set after the fire, I mean. Just a lover of pets and life and a joy to be around and to behold. Never an unkind word to say about anybody or anything. And a serial optimist! And being around him made you one, too!
He never loaned a buck in his life, you know. He gave. He gave and gave. And when he didn't give, you knew he was imparting some kind of lesson. And you learned that lesson, boy! Just a good man. And thoughtful! Never forgot a birthday or anniversary. Never raised his voice in anger.
And now he's no more. Passed Goiter.
And then he'd say he needed to excuse himself to make a phone call, and a couple years later you'd find out from a friend of a friend that the phone call was to the fire department, because he'd been cooking waffles when you called, and he figured he'd burned down his apartment building. Then you find out from his mother a decade after that that he burned down the whole block. Kittens. Toddlers. Two gay Holocaust survivors who'd been waiting their whole lives to get married and were scheduled to do it the day after the fire claimed their flaming hearts and feet and eyeballs, and... Good God, no one ever told you that eyeballs can explode in extreme heat, but Goiter's mother told you, and, Jesus Hell, you just can't seem to shake the image. Kittens, toddlers, two gay holocaust survivors, and probably some goldfish. All dead, and all because he left those pancakes going. But he never burdened you with it, because he was a great guy.
Just a great, great guy. Considerate. Humble. And smart! So smart and kind and funny! And good with kids! And he cared about the environment, too! And he had all those stray rescues living with him! Both the set before the fire and the set after the fire, I mean. Just a lover of pets and life and a joy to be around and to behold. Never an unkind word to say about anybody or anything. And a serial optimist! And being around him made you one, too!
He never loaned a buck in his life, you know. He gave. He gave and gave. And when he didn't give, you knew he was imparting some kind of lesson. And you learned that lesson, boy! Just a good man. And thoughtful! Never forgot a birthday or anniversary. Never raised his voice in anger.
And now he's no more. Passed Goiter.