Huffy Flounce

Here's how I rate eight different mayonnaises:

1. Burman's
2. Blue Plate
3. Kraft
4. Duke's
5. Hellmann's
6. Thomy
7. Bama
8. p$$t...

These are all Plain Janes. They're usually labeled as "Real." In no case did I consider the Lights. I also didn't bother with the mayonnaises that go off-script with olive oil or wacky added flavors.

I didn't include Miracle Whip. It's not mayonnaise. I also didn't include Kewpie, despite its interesting flavor, because it's just a little too off-script for me to consider it mayonnaise. Still, I like it as a kind of change of pace.

I also didn't include Heinz. I would have, but it has been some time since I had any, and I can no longer call its taste to mind. I remember being generally OK with it.

To be honest, it's also been a long time since I had Blue Plate. If I were to re-taste it, I might find myself moving it down the list. I suspect I'm holding it in the esteem I'm holding it in mostly because I had my mother mail me Blue Plate mayonnaise the last time I was in Germany. Thomy and all the other generic German mayonnaises that taste just like it weren't cutting it. Blue Plate lifted me up and became something of a mayonnaise savior.

I'm usually happy to have any of the mayonnaises from Burman's all the way down to Hellmann's. Burman's has become my gold standard over the course of the last few years. It and the two ranked below it have a similar amount of salty with just a touch of sweet. Duke's has little to no discernible sweet. I like it, but, as is the case with Kewpie, I like it more as a change of pace than as a staple. It's the kind that goes well with some foods and not well with others. My top three generally go well with anything.

Hellmann's is just ever so slightly sweeter than I like. Thomy is just a touch sweeter than Hellmann's and is maybe a little too smooth for my tastes. Bama is the right texture, but it's so sweet it's damned near Miracle Whip. p$$t... is less sweet than Bama, but it's still sweeter than I like, and it's so limp and runny and gross that I actively find myself looking forward to finishing the jar so I can move on to a better mayonnaise.

I always felt that Hellmann's had a hint of sourness to it that I didn't quite like. I mean, I'll eat it, but it's not that great.

I know you said you didn't include anything with added flavors, but baconnaise probably deserves its own thread.

Try Delouise. Trust me.

Sunflower oil and Dijon? It sounds tasty, but it also sounds a little too off-script for me to count it as mayonnaise.

It also doesn't look like it's within my price range.

I only use mayo on BLTs. Although I did make a club sandwich last night with mayo.

The only thing I really have to add is that I am appreciative that mayonnaise is one of the foods I can eat, though this surprises a lot of people (white = surely must contain milk?).

Because of this (and Goiter's love for it), I have it a lot more now than I used to. Though I am sure Goiter would say that I *never* had it as a kid, since my family only uses Miracle Whip, and that very rarely. My dad thinks mayonnaise will kill you, because it has eggs and especially since it is often room-temperature at restaurants.

Dalty wrote:Try Delouise. Trust me.

Vinnie tried DeLuise. He declared him "delicious":

I rarely use regular mayo at home, as it's relatively bland and I'd rather use avocado to add a bit of moist and creamy to my occasional sandwich. When I go out, however, I do like a good chipotle mayo or an aioli, especially with sweet potato fries.

The trick to appreciating the subtleties of mayonnaise is to surround yourself with mostly bland foods. If you're beating yourself in the face with flavor all the time, mayonnaise will get lost in the mix.

Beating myself in the face with flavor all the time is just how I roll. Don't be hatin'.

I was a Miracle Whip man for years and years. Until I reached an age when ingredients started to mean something. So I switched to Hellmans and never looked back. Just eggs and shit. Good for you stuff.