Huffy Flounce

Eleven Weird Food Combinations Alabamians Eat

I usually scratch my head at these sorts of things, but I grew up eating at least half of these combinations.

Banana-and-mayonnaise sandwich? Check. Peanuts and Coke? Check. Cornbread and buttermilk? Check. Watermelon and salt? Check. Mixed peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Check. Fries dipped in sundaes? Check. Peanut butter-and-bacon sandwich? Check.

I've known of fried chicken and waffles, but we never ate them as a combo. They sell them in St. Louis, so it must be a pretty widespread thing. The pickle with peanut butter is new to me. So are the peanut butter cheeseburger and Kool-Aid pickles.

Cornbread and buttermilk isn't so weird if you consider that Southern-style cornbread is savory. I haven't tried this, but it seems like it would be a tasty combination.

Why would it be weird to mix the peanut butter and jelly before putting them on the bread? They get mixed in there anyway. It may be more work to pre-mix them, I guess.

I don't think it's weird. Even our lunch ladies used to do it. The mix spreads better than solo peanut butter or jelly. The lunch ladies would sometimes mix corn syrup and peanut butter, instead. Corn syrup was cheaper than jelly.

I also don't think cornbread in buttermilk is weird. Most (southern) cornbread recipes already call for buttermilk to go in the mix. My grandfather would also add green beans. That one, admittedly, is kinda weird.

If you feel you absolutely must try the peanut butter/bacon sandwich, I recommend a maple or brown sugar bacon. Otherwise, it will taste like you're eating straight salt. To be honest, I'd recommend not eating it at all. Ingesting one of those is like daring your heart to keep beating.

Two Bass Fishermen Accused of Using Previously Caught Fish in Tournaments

These guys live ten-fifteen minutes from my hometown.

Did you sell them some fish?

In-Laws. Whattaya gonna do.

She left it on the ground!

Does she want ants?! Because that's how you get ants!!

It was her sister-in-law. It wasn't her aunt.

"Exalted Cyclops" ????

I swear these fuckers are just making this up! "Extremely Awesome Unicorn" for the win!

His last name is "Dinkle."

I seceded this afternoon. I was in there for over 15 minutes and when I left........... My GOD!

Here's an article to go with it:

Pineapple Squirrel Kabobs Get Four Alabama Educators First-Round Win in TV Cook-Off Competition

A friend of mine used to go to church with the dude doing most of the talking. He's from Boaz, which is about ten miles from my hometown. Another one of the guys in the group is an assistant principal at Albertville High School. My grandfather was once an assistant principal at Albertville High School. Another one of the guys teaches at Sylvania High School. That's where my stepsister went to school.

Jesus.

Pam Huff, an Alabama news celebrity, recently posted this piece:

http://www.abc3340.com/story/25619536/i ... -that-dumb

The way her article started off, I felt like I was going to be getting a counterpoint or a response or... something from her.

Maybe she's hoping we will do the legwork for her by applying Betteridge's law of headlines. I'm not sure we're required to, though, since she neglected to give us a question mark at the end of the headline.

JESUS FUCKING HELL:

http://blog.al.com/breaking/2014/05/hun ... er_default

This reminds me of the situation in my hometown. The Hispanic population has been building slowly, so people are sending their kids to the neighboring town's school.

You see, when I was in school there, every single kid in class was white. Everybody who lived in Crossville, in fact, was white. Things were peachy and dandy. Never mind that my school had the worst test scores in the county. Never mind that my county had the worst test scores in the state. Never mind that Alabama had the worst test scores in the country. No, things were just great. We were clearly pumpin' out movers and shakers and geniuses of all shapes and sizes. No reason to rock the boat.

I had eighty classmates my senior year. Only sixty-eight of those got diplomas. The other twelve were kids in special education classes who couldn't pass the state's "exit exam." That's right. One-sixth of classmates were technically retarded--and by Alabama's standard of retardation, at that! Our fourth- or fifth-ranked kid had a B average. We had someone in our top twenty with a high C average. We were fuckin' dumb.

Geraldine is the neighboring town. People will invent bullshit reasons for moving their kids there. They say the educational standard there is much higher. This is a lie. It's similarly poor. Despite how low my specific grade's test scores were, Crossville did better than Geraldine about half the time. The two were neck-and-neck. Their students, on the whole, were similarly stupid.

They also say the "sports programs" are much better there. Technically, this is now true. It wasn't when I was in high school. We had more county, division, and state championships across the board. Geraldine and Crossville were the county's big rivals, but Crossville almost always won. We were the Goliath figure, usually. We were a pretty paltry Goliath, but we were still Goliath.

You know why it's true that the sports programs are better in Geraldine at present? Because sports-obsessed parents are sending their kids to Geraldine. In some cases, families are actually moving to Geraldine to be able to send their kids to school there. If a kid shows any talent, it's off to Geraldine. It's pretty fucked up.

People will also say that teachers are having to "dumb down" their lessons and use "simple English" so the Hispanic kids can follow the lessons. This is patently untrue. To begin with, it's not like the English teachers at Crossville were able to use anything *but* simple English to begin with. They're barely able to string a complete sentence together as it is. Using simple English is not something they're "having to do" to accommodate the Hispanic population. Shit.

My mother is the assistant principal at Crossville. She says that the Hispanic kids come to school speaking English on par with native speakers (their parents might not speak decent English, but the kids do, since they tend to have been born in the US) and that the winners of the English awards are, more often than not, Hispanic.

Despite people's excuses, it really boils down to this: the majority of the white people of Crossville are racists and xenophobes, and they don't want their kids associating with Hispanics. Some people, at least, are honest about it, and don't make any excuses. They'll just come right out and say, "I don't want my kid in school with no Meheecans."

These "Meheecans" have begun to move into Geraldine. I heard some people talking about this at a football game a year or two ago. One of the people had a kid who would be old enough to start kindergarten the next year. He lamented that Geraldine was "gonna be just as bad" soon, and said, "I don't know *what* we're gonna do."

I'm almost certain I've complained about all this before. Sorry for the retread.

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:Sorry for the retard.

Based on the part of your post focusing on Alabamans' poor educations, this is what I read at first glance.

We're all the same yellow color inside.

Wait wait wait wait...... are you seriously telling me that people are officially proposing a return to black schools for black kids and white schools for white kids? I mean OFFICIALLY??

Sort of. This is, in effect, what will happen if the longstanding, federally imposed desegregation order is done away with. From a technical and legal standpoint, some are trying to argue, it's just a matter of rezoning.

Alabama, Ladies and Gentlemen.