Space News

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

You don't necessarily need to use oil-based paint if the wood is pine.

Was this also true in the nineteenth century?

[Space Tycoon]

It was not so, I concede.

But this is the 21st Century, in which all things are possible.

[Space Tycoon]

I meant to say, OMFG, stop annoying me with paint stuff!!!

Ah, but really who am I kidding. I love the subject.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

At least you didn't mean to say OMFGosh.

[neglet]

I painted my bathroom last weekend. I used paint.
I'm thinking of repainting the adjoining bedroom with two complimentary colors, separated by a small silver stripe ... assuming the silver paint we used on our old house a few years ago is still usuable.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

It is, regardless of how it may look. I'll let Spacey fill you in on the specifics.

[Space Tycoon]

You should install a chair rail moulding between the two colours, otherwise known as a wainscoting.

[Dalty]

Actually Spacey I need your professional help.

I moved into a new apartment and trying to get the landlord / developer / freeholder to tell me the make, model and colour of the paint they used is like getting blood out of a stone. But from time to time I will need to make good after repairs and so on.

How the hell do I go about randomly matching the paint? Is there an app or something? Accurate online catalogues etc?

I need the expert help here!

[Space Tycoon]

There are apps and scanners and such which you can use for these purposes, but they are rarely accurate on the first go. I scan colour samples every day and almost always, no matter what formula the computer gives me, I have to do at least some tweaking and matching up by eye. I've gotten pretty good at it over the years, my customers run the gamut from homeowners, to designers to property maintenance firms.

But I always warn people, it is virtually impossible to have a 100 % exact match. There are factors such as the sheen of the paint, different lighting etc. And even when it is extremely close, the fact is a freshly painted spot will stand out from the rest of the area, be it a door, window, wall etc.

The best thing to do is bring a a peeled off sample from a door, window, wall etc. into your local paint store. Most of us, hopefully, do not have lots of peeling flakes on our walls and such. But you can cut a piece out of the drywall, take it in to get matched, and patch it over later. If exactitude is less of a priority for you, you can grab some colour swatches from companies like Farrow and Ball, Dulux, or whatever you've got over there, and find a colour that is close enough.

[neglet]

You should install a chair rail moulding between the two colours, otherwise known as a wainscoting.

We did that in our last house, but this room is so irregular it would be a major pain in the ass. And I like the look of smooth walls in a small room.

[Space Tycoon]

Well then, get yourself a roll of Frogtape and a level, and go to town.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Maybe she already went to town. Maybe that's where she got her roll of FrogTape and a level.

Maybe she didn't need to go to town for the level. Maybe she inherited her grandfather's. Or maybe her grandfather told her she could have it, but now she has to wait until her grandmother dies before she can claim it, because her grandfather willed everything over to her grandmother--which grandmother just happens to be a sentimental ol' cuss.

Or, you know, none of the above.

[Mal Shot First]

What the fuck, Goiter?

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Jubboiter hacked my account.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

Jubboiter can be weirdly specific.

[Space Tycoon]

Well then, get yourself a roll of Frogtape and a level, and go to town.

As well as some measuring tape, a long steel ruler, a carpenter's pencil, a small paint roller, maybe a little paint try for the roller, dropsheets... I am a master of the upsell.

[Space Tycoon]

And plastic. You can never have enough plastic sheeting.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

I thought the dropsheets were the same thing as the plastic sheeting. Granted, I don't know shit about painting rooms in a house. Are dropsheets the ones that go on furniture?

We repainted the house when I was ten, but we also tore up the carpet and painted with abandon. We got paint, footprints, and painty footprints all over the floor. We covered it up with new carpet. We also put new tiles on the ceiling, so we didn't worry about getting paint on the ceiling.

I was totally covered in paint by the end of the day. My stepfather (he wasn't my stepfather at the time) told my mother that the best way to get paint off a person was to scrub the skin with gasoline. It turns out my skin is pretty allergic to gasoline. Maybe everybody's skin is. I dunno.

Whatever the case, I broke out in a full body rash. My grandmother tried to take pictures of it a week later so she could show them to Child Protective Services and steal me away from my mother. The rash was pretty faded, so she didn't get great shots. Instead, she asked me if my back were hurting. I told her it was. She offered to rub this stuff called "Heet" all over my back and chest. She claimed it was "like IcyHot." The rash returned in a big way. Photographs were taken.

I found the photographs and told my mother about them. She went to my grandmother's house, stole them, and burned them.

[Dalty]

I am starting to disbelieve any of these things actually happenned.

[Quasar]

I'm waiting for the post where Goits admits he's his own stepfather.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

This one's true.

[neglet]

Either the painting won't happen until fall, since my son is likely going to be living in the room for the summer starting at the end of the month ... or if he doesn't get a job, maybe he'll be doing the painting.

[Dalty]

If Junior won't work, put him to work!

Goiter has a lawn that needs mowing. Problem is, to mow it Junior would have to actually be on his lawn.

[The Swollen Goiter of God]

If the mowjob doesn't meet the Lawn Mafia's standards, we may wake up with a H***o head in our bed.

[Dalty]

H***o has no head. The glue factory has taken care of it.