Huffy Flounce

I feel bereft. Adrift. Like a broken pencil.......... pointless.

Sorry. Jubboiter is sick and grumpy. She flips out when I am away.

Jubbers will appreciate your Blackadder reference.

Jubboiter does not get sick. She gets displeased with a virus!

I thought you were going to say she becomes bored with being well.

When she is bored, Klytus finds an obscure body in the SK system for her amusement.

Naturally, this results in Brian Blessed laughing like a lunatic.

The soundtrack to Jubboiter's life is Brian Blessed laughing like a lunatic.

That, and the screaming and barely coherent begging coming from the dungeons.

Some of those screams are mine.

Ol' Beau Watkins is so annoying, even his absences are irritating!

Is there a cream we could get from the pharmacy?

It don't come from the pharmacy.

Boy, do I have a story about getting cream from the pharmacy.

I have what some people call "jock itch" and other people call "crotch rot." I went to Wal-Mart's pharmacy section to get some clotrimazole cream for it. They had a 0.5 oz tube of Lotrimin for ten bucks. Ten bucks! I'd rather never cure it than pay ten bucks. Ptooey!

They also had a 0.5 oz tube of Equate. Equate is often referred to as the "Wal-Mart brand." Its price was roughly one-third the price of the Lotrimin. Not bad, right?

But wait! They also had a 1.5 oz tube of Pro-Ex. That's three times the amount of product! It had the same active ingredient (1.0% clotrimazole) as the other two. Get this, though: it only cost eighty-eight cents. It cost one-thirty-fourth the cost of the Lotrimin. That's an insanely good deal.

It's the kind of deal that's a little too good. Naturally, I stood there for about thirty minutes comparing the three tubes. Something had to be wrong with this Pro-Ex stuff. It's not a brand I know. Then again, I've never taken it upon myself to learn a lot about different jock itch medications. I also don't have a fancy phone with a data plan. I'm not a millionaire, after all.

I looked and looked. I showed passersby. "What's the deal with this?" I asked. "Who gives a shit?" I got back. I looked deeper. I approached a pharmacist. "What's the deal with this?" I asked. "It's one of our special buys," I got back. No shit. No fucking shit it's a special buy, but why? What manufacturer in its right mind would just give away this sweetest of all antifungal nectars? This is America, goddamn it! This is capitalism!

There's something fishy going on, clearly. (A side note: the clotrimazole cream is white, but it, too, goes on clear.) There's something fishy going on, and it's not my crotch rot.

Did I buy the Pro-Ex? Fuckin' A I bought it. Do I trust it? Absolutely not. Trust or no, I'm not passing up a bargain like that. I'd have gotten it even if I weren't suffering from jock itch. I hate the scam that is bargain hunting and extreme couponing more than just about anybody, but we're talkin' a Godfather-like offer here, folks. Get your Pro-Ex before Pro-Ex is shut down by the government. Because fuck, man. Something's not right. Something illicit has to be going on. Going right on my crotch--which crotch, if I have yet to mention it, is rotted.

Now all I need to do is keep getting the crotch rot. It's going to take a while to use up this tube.

I didn't say it was a good story.

I assume since the deal was so good, you bought all the tubes they had.

THERE WAS ONLY ONE.

Suddenly I understand it is possible to long for one of those absences.

Jubbers was neither as excited nor as suspicious as I was hoping she would be when I related the news of my special buy to her.

Unconcerned by the rotten-ness of your crotch?

It's difficult to look excited or suspicion while wearing a clothespin to ward off the foul odor of crotch rot.